ar comedy: Tragedy or Accident? - 03/11/07 04:01 PM
George Bush was visiting a primary school in Florida and he visited one of
the classes.They were in the middle of a discussion related to words
and their meanings.
The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the
discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class
for an example of a "tragedy".
One little boy stood up and offered: "If my
best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor
runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."
"No," said Bush, "that would be an … (5 comments)

ar comedy: Heck of a Salesman - 03/02/07 03:36 PM
A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everythingunder one roof" department store looking for a job. 
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"  The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota". 
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job."You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today? 
The kid says "one". The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average … (6 comments)

ar comedy: Chewing gum - 02/24/07 09:07 PM
During a commercial airline flight a Navy Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears upon … (0 comments)

ar comedy: The good, the bad and the police... - 02/09/07 10:06 PM
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE  George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wifetold him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could seefrom the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there werepeople in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said"no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simplylock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," … (6 comments)

ar comedy: The good, the bad and the police... - 02/09/07 09:47 PM
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE  George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi was going up to bed when his wifetold him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could seefrom the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there werepeople in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said"no". Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simplylock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, "Okay," … (0 comments)

ar comedy: The Test - 02/09/07 06:43 AM
A Mountie pulled a car over on the Trans Canada  about 2  miles west of Winnipeg.  When the Mountie asked the driver why he was speeding,the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was  on his way to Brandon to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and  he didn't want to be late.The Mountie told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.The driver told the Mountie that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything … (7 comments)

ar comedy: The differences between GUTS and BALLS - 01/30/07 11:52 AM
We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really knowthe difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, thedefinition for each follows:GUTS is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met byyour wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask, "Are you stillcleaning or are you flying somewhere?"BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling ofperfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on thebutt, and having the balls to say, "You're next!"I hope this clears up any confusion on the … (2 comments)

ar comedy: Top Four ADULT Jokes... - 01/28/07 06:56 PM
 
(7 comments)

ar comedy: Some Priests issues - 01/23/07 06:08 PM
The new Priest at his first Mass in one of those beautiful churches in Orlando was so nervous he could hardly speak. He asked the old Priest what he should do.
The old Priest said he should put a little gin or vodka in his water glass before the Mass and this would relax him.
The next Sunday the new Priest filled his water glass with gin and talked up a storm. After the Mass he asked the old Priest how he did.
The old Priest said you were relaxed enough, but there are a few things that must be straightened … (5 comments)

ar comedy: Fortune & wisdom - 01/23/07 05:52 PM
When Dan found out that he was going to inherit a fortune when his>father died, he decided that he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one>>>  evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful>woman that he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.>>>>"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her,>"But in just a week or two, my father will die, and I will inherit >>20  million dollars.">>>>Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days>later, she became his stepmother.
oops, that … (2 comments)

ar comedy: English words Trivia - lets see who's coming with the correct answer? - 01/14/07 08:13 PM
What common English word is 9 (nine) letters long and each time you remove 1 (one) letter from it, it still remains an English word...? from 9 letters all the way down to a single remaining letter?
The funny part for me in this question is the fact that English is not even my mother-language...but this question just came across my way...and after all the excitement of the Pats winning the Chargers by 3 as I predicted...(lol)...I had to go to a different direction...
Let me know if you would like to have any hints...
(16 comments)

ar comedy: Left or Right ?! - 01/14/07 11:57 AM
It took long time to research, and a lot of laboratories surgeries but scientists have finally discovered what's wrong with the male brain: On the left side, there is nothing right,
and on the right side, there is nothing left ! ! !
I would like to add though...that it took such significant efforts to reach this discovery because of one crucial reason:
All researches were conducted by females scientists and doctors which apparently were suffering from the exact same problem...
Now, I'm ready to watch the Pats Vs. Chargers.
GO PATS.
(4 comments)

ar comedy: Different Language (Not a clean joke). - 01/13/07 10:34 PM
Mind your language An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.Consul : What is your name?Arab: Mohamad Abdul Aziz Consul: Sex? Arab : Six to ten times a week Consul: I mean, male or female?Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camelsConsul: Holy cow! Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!Consul: Man,........isn't it hostile? Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style Consul: Oh..........dear! Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!
(0 comments)

ar comedy: The Attitude - 01/13/07 06:39 PM
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.  He said, "Mike, let me tell you something.  On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother and said, 'Here try these on..' She did and said, 'These are too big!  I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will!' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."Hmmm," said Mike.  He thought that might be a good thing to try.On his honeymoon, Mike … (0 comments)

ar comedy: Honey, what do we have for Breakfast? - 01/07/07 02:49 PM
She is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walks in. She turns and says,
"You've got to make love to me -- this very moment."
His eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and
then gives it his all on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she says, "Thanks," and returns to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asks, "What was that all about?"
She explains, "The 3 minute egg timer is broken!"
(0 comments)

ar comedy: politics...again - 01/03/07 09:24 PM
An American and a Muslim fellow are watching Star Trek movies when the Muslim turns to the American and says;"How come there is a Chinese guy, a Russian, a scotsman, a jewish man and loads of others but there are no Muslims on the Enterprise?"
The American replies;"Because its set in the future!"
(0 comments)

ar comedy: A perfect husband - 12/10/06 09:19 AM
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings.
One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:"Hello?""Honey, it's me.? Are you at the club?""Yes.""Great!? I am at the mall two blocks from where you are.? I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!!? Can I buy it?""What's the price?""Only $1,500.00.""Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models? I saw one I … (4 comments)

ar comedy: Airlines fun comments {Tell me which one you like the best...} - 12/10/06 09:06 AM
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!" 
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down … (2 comments)

ar comedy: Jewish Gambling and Horse Racing - 12/10/06 08:49 AM
JEWISH GAMBLINGA Jewish man went to the races for the first time. Not knowing a thingabout horse racing, he went to the paddock to take a look.He saw a rabbi blessing one of the horses. He wrote down the number andplaced a bet. Sure enough, the horse won, and the man won $20.He went down to the paddock again, and again the rabbi was blessinganother horse. He wrote down the number, bet his again, the horsewon, earning $100.This went on, race after race, until the Jewish man had won $5000.Just before the last race, he watched the rabbi bless another horse. … (4 comments)

ar comedy: 10 Things in GOLF that sound dirty - 12/07/06 06:51 PM
(4 comments)

 

Eli Magen

Orlando, FL

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New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)

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