ar comedy: A few random funny points to ponder. - 02/16/13 10:20 AM
 
 It’s Saturday and I’m waiting for a real estate showing, when a few random funny thoughts come into my head.
 
You don't have to be crazy to be a Realtor. We will train you!
 
It’s not a typo if you don’t actually know how to spell the word.
 
I think there's finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
 
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon because I need to pee?
 
Speak your mind it is less painful that biting your tongue.
 
Once you learn how to … (12 comments)

ar comedy: The Trash man needs a shave - 07/26/12 04:57 AM
Can we all agree that the trash-men are not hired for their personal appearances...they have to be physically fit and can "pick things up and put them down" to quote a national gym chain. My trash man needs a shave.

Wednesday may be trash pick up day where you live...our services are on any day your teenager leaves a bag of trash out over night. Some my think this level of service is to be applauded...in reality it requires excessive additional clean-up.

We have some funny looking landscapers...who also could use a shave.

The catering staff was late … (20 comments)

ar comedy: Hippie - Dippy Farm Stand - True Organic Fruits and Veggies. - 11/01/11 04:30 PM
 
 
Welcome to the Hippie - Dippy “ORGANIC” Farm.
 

 
Farm Fresh and Everything is Organic – Grown right on this site…From Pumpkins to Arugula – Plus Other Stuff!!
 
Read the Vegetables offered on the sign closely see if anything sounds appetizing for tonight’s dinner?
 

Swiss Chard, Pak-Choi, Radish,"MARIJUANA" , Carrots, Lettuce, Mesclun Mix, Basil , Parsley, Arugula...all the basic ingredients for a nice home cook meal or "FRESH" salad...Just like mother use to make.
 
A lot of Farms also sell camp – firewood at these little road side stands usually $3 per bundle…The … (16 comments)

ar comedy: "Signs" that your 2011 business plan has been on your mind lately! - 12/19/10 08:15 AM
Here are few signs that will make sense when building your 2011 business plan,

   new "paper" advertising campaigns...try it why not...It could work?

Additional revenue sources for agents willing to go the extra mile.

 Lowering employment qualification for new agents...plastic Lucas characters welcome.

 If Tom Sawyer lived in a snow belt...this would have been his fence painting alternative.

   Striving for truth in advertising...telling it like it is.

   Home of the veteran agent.

    Networking is a requirement of your success.

  Is the grass really greener on the other side … (26 comments)

ar comedy: Fast on your feet is good but keep your foot out of your mouth. - 11/17/10 03:34 PM
 
When I was accepted to college, mid-way through my senior year in high school, I didn't share my plans with the very kindly older boss I was working for at a grocery store part-time (hoping for as many hours as I could schedule prior to going off to college).
  One day while working in the produce department a strange old man came up to me and asked if he could buy a half a head of lettuce. I said let me check with the boss in the back room. As I approached the swinging doors I could see the boss at the sink … (19 comments)

ar comedy: Watching the hay ...and not the Barrow. - 11/16/10 08:29 PM
 
An employee leaving work one day approached security with a wheel barrow filled with hay. The officers in charge examined the contents of the wheel barrow and satisfied there was nothing hidden let the employee pass.
The next day the same man and same night security had the same encounter. The guards suspected there was indeed something hidden searched harder this time, but finding nothing but hay let the man pass.
The next two nights in a row the same ritual occurred each time the guards becoming more frustrated but letting the employee pass not finding a thing.
On … (13 comments)

ar comedy: Banks have gone crazy...an 86 year old womans thoughts on this matter. - 08/22/10 10:40 AM
I try to remind myself everyday I'm in the service business, and I don't hold a monopoly in my real estate community. We are only as good as our most recent transaction and what clients take away from their contact with us on a day to day experience. Without further fan-fair, here is a re-print of a letter shared with me by a long standing client that understands service...and what is require to earn a repeat business relationship.   Enjoy!!
The story is a bit long...but so is the wait when lodging a complaint on a Banks automated voice mail.
 
      … (21 comments)

ar comedy: Words from the Woods...Boyscouts...are honest brave and play with matches. - 08/09/10 08:25 AM
A long time ago I was a boyscout...I joined to go on the end of the year camping trip. I didn't need no stinking badges...or so I thought. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but if you're camping a whole box isn't enough to start a little crappy camp fire?
I did think the scout leaders were nice all the kids took turns sleeping in their tent, I assumed it was because some scouts were scared. But what ever happened there must have cured them...no one asked to sleep there twice. On a side note our … (20 comments)

ar comedy: An apparent act of kindness, cost a pair of shoes, pants,a manicure and a beer. - 08/07/10 12:31 PM
 
If it’s not pouring rain when I get home from work, I always take a walk out to the river. Most of the time my wife gets home later than me, and often catches up upon her arrival. Last night I heard crying and screaming from the edge of the river as I emerged from the woods…it was my wife's voice so real concern began to quickly grow. I ran to see if she was mortally wounded or cornered by a bear. I found her cursing beside a mud puddle…she had semi-liquid dirt dripping from her legs and arms, and … (24 comments)

ar comedy: Make a million in Real estate, and retire. - 05/11/10 02:10 PM
 
How to make a million dollars in real estate, and retire early?
 
Step #1,                                                    
Write a book “How to make a million dollars in Real Estate in a down market”
Step #2,
Sell one hundred thousand copies of your book for $20 a piece.                              
Step #3,
Pay off all the associated cost with writing and printing the book.
Step #4
Retire early and don’t sell real estate anymore.
 
To Help you get started…here are some catchy names for chapters.
  *Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
  *Remember half the people you know are below  average.
  *Never mess … (22 comments)

ar comedy: The truth plain and simple... - 04/27/10 03:48 PM
 
Just the truth plain and simple….
*Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
*A Flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
*A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
*It’s better to understand a little than misunderstand a lot.
*It may be lonely at the top, but you eat better.
*Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye opener
*Never do card tricks in front of your poker buddies
*The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body needs to be on it.
*The only substitute for good manners is … (15 comments)

ar comedy: being John Schneider... an homage to the Dukes of Hazard - 01/31/10 06:40 AM
My Friends on Facebook inspired my story of "What star do you look like".
Being John Scheider... my homage to the dukes of Hazard
 
I was accosted by a boy scout troop once at a Red Sox game (when I was much younger)...but they figured it out after a while. Bo Duke Wouldn't swear when the F#@*ing Yankees beat the Red Sox would he?
 
A couple of Jeff Foxworthy- Want -to -be's...Seriously I got it all the time.
     
Ok...I'm reaching here, but if you squint a bit?
 
...only slightly and not at all … (25 comments)

ar comedy: Famous items and reality stars please view todays special offerings - 11/30/09 09:03 AM
 
Items up for bid...on the price is wrong-Oh -so Wrong....
 
#1)Have slightly used shiny Balloon…will not carry the weight of a human…but is effective in diverting attention of a stupid camera crew and local police (being sold...as is) .
 
#2) Tickets to White House Dinner for sale…will go to the highest bidder, comes with bridge to no-where and directions to Pennsylvania Ave.
 
#3) For sale slightly used 9 Iron, with video tape verifying its use in a Cadillac Hazard escape during a night skins game…may need to be regripped,
 
#4) Auditions for new reality show being … (15 comments)

ar comedy: Here Honey have some wine,(or) Men are from Mars, and Women Hate Mars! - 05/05/09 02:07 PM
The Hormone Guide   Women will understand this!   Men should memorize it!   Every woman knows that there are days when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be carried like a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
  13  Things PMS Stands For   1.  Pass My Shotgun     2.  Psychotic Mood Shift     3.  Perpetual Munching   Spree     4.  Puffy Mid-Section     5.  People Make me Sick … (34 comments)

ar comedy: Strange Law still on the Books. - 03/02/09 11:02 AM
New York - A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.

This Old Law, specifically prohibits men from
turning around on a city street and looking
"at woman in that way".
A Second Conviction, for a crime of this magnitude
calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a
"Pair of Horse blinders"

whenever and wherever he goes outside for a stroll.
When is the next Realtor convention in New York?
I'll lay odds on the long shot!!
(20 comments)

ar comedy: Why we Forward Jokes..& the True path to heaven - 02/22/09 08:53 AM
This Is why we Forward Jokes to Our Friends.  A  man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the  scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was  dead.He  remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for  years.. He wondered where the road was leading them.After  a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.  It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a  tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.When  he was standing before … (29 comments)

ar comedy: Beer Belly Rednecks and the women that put up with them - 01/04/09 10:27 AM
How Many men does it take to open a beer?
None: It should be opened when she Brings it.
         
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a women?
If a women can't even afford a washing machine, she'll probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those evolutionary things that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
  (Redneck Grill)
 
How do you know when a women is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with :A man once … (45 comments)

ar comedy: Signs of the times, not really just funny signs - 12/19/08 01:59 PM
If you ever seen a sign that appeared out of place, or had a strange subject matter..here's your sign.
            
 I Think Salesmen have gotten a bad rap, we are trying to provide a valuable service at least we think so!
 
   
Have you ever noticed the truth is truly stranger than fiction, I think these signs prove this to be the case!
                                    
                                The real Signs I think are the … (17 comments)

ar comedy: Humorous Commenting is ..my contribution like it or not.... - 12/16/08 08:49 AM
            4,000 comments..and just getting started..thanks for putting up with my shenanigans!!
Another active rain milestone achieved, 4,000 comments. I am a veracious reader these days and I hope my thoughts are interesting if not humorous on your many fine posts. There are times I disagree with the blogs authors, I hope the writer takes my responses in good spirit, or if I'm lucky gets my opinion. 

No one sets out to tell the king he is naked, and I for one have gone back and edited a post after a Realtor I respect commented on something I said that … (27 comments)

ar comedy: When did your poor planning become my emergency? - 12/04/08 03:35 PM
I had no appointments scheduled Wednesday afternoon, and it seamed like a great time to get some things done before the Holidays. The moment I walked into the hardware store 30 minutes away from my office my cell phone rang. Hi Steve we are at your office, and wondered if you had some time to show us around. Great Paul are you going to be staying the night so I can see you tomorrow? Well we just drove 3 hours on a whim, and no we can't spend the night.No Planning on their part..drop what you're doing and run back to … (29 comments)

 
Steve Loynd, 800-926-5653, White Mountains NH ( Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc., ) Rainmaker large

Steve Loynd

800-926-5653, White Mountains NH

Lincoln, NH

More about me…

Alpine Lakes Real Estate Inc.,

Address: 7 Linwood Plaza, Box 1135, Lincoln, NH, 03251

Office: (800) 926-5653

Mobile: (603) 381-7898

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