Diary of a Snow Shoveler --- Funniest Thing You Will Read This Season

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty
http://actvra.in/HVP

I was sent this two Christmas' ago by an old buddy. I laughed so hard I couldn't get rid of it so I saved it to share every Christmas Season with everyone! Enjoy!

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - North East
 
December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!
 
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!
 
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
 
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15

20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.
 
December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
 
December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
 
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.
 
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.
 
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.
 
December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
 
December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.
 
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
 
December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?
 
December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.
 
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.
 
January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?  

Posted by

Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty

Pocono Mountain Lakes Realty

Office - 570 267 1565

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Re-Blogged 17 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Donald Bradbury 12/18/2009 10:20 AM
  2. Erin Golding 12/18/2009 10:53 AM
  3. JERMAINE FRANKLIN 12/18/2009 12:02 PM
  4. Tim Maitski 12/18/2009 12:29 PM
  5. Al Wright 12/18/2009 06:25 PM
  6. Chuck Capan 12/18/2009 09:27 PM
  7. Todd & Devona - Garrigus Real Estate 12/18/2009 10:40 PM
  8. James Fennelly 12/19/2009 05:38 AM
  9. Sue Eller 12/19/2009 08:29 AM
  10. Mary Lou Cherry 12/19/2009 09:09 AM
  11. Diana Santos 12/19/2009 09:33 AM
  12. Margaret Rome, Baltimore Maryland 12/19/2009 09:36 AM
  13. David Monsour 12/19/2009 12:24 PM
  14. Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant 12/21/2009 09:52 PM
  15. Monique Hailer & Todd Combs, PA 12/26/2009 09:46 PM
  16. Liz Moras 12/30/2009 11:32 PM
  17. Martha Brown 02/09/2010 07:06 AM
Topic:
ActiveRain Community
Groups:
The Lounge at Active Rain
Realtors®
Pennsylvania Professionals
HAPPY AT ACTIVERAIN
Diary of a Realtor
Tags:
snow humor
humor

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Rainmaker
212,255
Jim & Linda Arnold
Coldwell Banker Gundaker-St. Louis, MO - Chesterfield, MO
St. Louis Real Estate Pros - 314-422-2762 - Referrals Welcome!

How hilarious!  I laughed out loud....  those little white flakes seem so innocuous don't they??

Dec 20, 2009 03:56 PM #136
Rainmaker
192,173
Joy Carter & Jeff Booker Brother and Sister Team
Keller Williams Partners Realty-GreatFloridaHomes Team - Plantation, FL
Trust Your Family's Move To Our Expertise!

Tears are rolling down my cheeks!  That was too funny!'

Not to be mean, but I LOVE to watch the news and hear of all the awful weather up north.  The worse it is the better our sales are here in the coming months. 

Clients say, I'm done!  Not one more year of shovelling snow!

It is actually cold here now, got to 59 degrees today.  I had to put a coat on.  Might go into the 40's tonight...I'll have to stay in.

I LOVE FLORIDA!!!!   Joy

Dec 20, 2009 04:48 PM #137
Rainmaker
184,784
Kathleen Ann Pacheco-Corbett
(FIRST Exclusive Buyer's Office Providence-RI) - Providence, RI
Realtor, RI-MA, CEBA, Master, e-Pro, ABR, ABRM, GR

As I read your blog I kept saying enough is enough. We were just left us with 20inches of that beautiful white stuff and my husband is out re-shoveling what he had shoveled earlier. We have been Rhode Islandersfor our entire lives and now we are seniors I have been trying to convince my DH that now should be the time we move to closer to our grandchildren in SC.  I could be ready in a split second, This funny but practically true blog needs to be read by my significant other when he comes in.

Dec 20, 2009 06:37 PM #138
Ambassador
1,274,247
Debe Maxwell
www.AtHomesCharlotte.com | Savvy + Company Real Estate - Charlotte, NC
Charlotte Homes for Sale - Charlotte Neighborhoods

Rick,  Be careful what you wish for, right?!  Thanks for sharing this--I'm still smiling after reading!  I think someone is going to be REALLY saying that this year, since we're expected to have the worst winter ever!   What's this I keep hearing about global WARMING?!

Have a great week...

Debe In CharlotteMerry Christmas

Dec 21, 2009 12:40 AM #139
Rainmaker
942,107
Lottie Kendall
Today | Sotheby's International Realty - San Carlos, CA
Serving San Mateo County and San Francisco

You're right--I'm laughing as I read. I'm sending this to my daughter and son-in-law in Boston.

Dec 21, 2009 07:06 AM #140
Ambassador
171,287
Jon Sigler
Embrace Home Loans, NMLS#119288 - Rocky Hill, CT
Connecticut FHA VA USDA Mortgage

Thanks for the laugh!  We all hunkered down for the storm that wasn't over the weekend (but it sure did hit elsewhere!)

Dec 21, 2009 09:16 AM #141
Rainer
59,530
Dennis Puckett
Adams,Cameron & Co. - Deland, FL

That is just too funny. You made my day...

Dec 21, 2009 11:14 AM #142
Rainmaker
150,944
Kathy Opatka
RE/MAX CROSSROADS - Ocean City, MD
Serving Ocean City, MD, & The Delaware Beaches

Very clever!  Luckily, we only got 1/8 of an inch of snow and it melted by mid-day!

Dec 21, 2009 01:08 PM #143
Rainmaker
128,117
Mike Henderson
Your complete source for buying HUD homes - Littleton, CO
HUD Home Hub - 303-949-5848

We've already had two snowfalls of twenty plus inches twice already.

Dec 21, 2009 09:21 PM #144
Rainmaker
175,303
Rebecca Levinson, Real Estate Marketing and Online Advertising Consultant
Real Skillz-Clear Marketing for Your Real Estate Vision - Lake Geneva, WI

Rick,

Thank you for the laugh.  I saw this as an re-blog on Margaret Rome's blog and re-blogged it myself.  Thanks for sharing.

Dec 21, 2009 10:00 PM #145
Rainmaker
337,816
Judy C Jennings
William Raveis Real Estate - Plymouth, MA
Broker Associate in Plymouth County MA

Rick - This was very funny. Most people would have cracked long before this guy. HA HA

Dec 22, 2009 06:31 AM #146
Rainmaker
286,611
Marilyn Harrell
ReMax Riverhaven - Beaverton, MI
Wixom Lake - Beaverton MI

Very funny - very very funny!

Dec 26, 2009 12:27 PM #147
Rainer
59,862
Sonja Adams
Samson Proprties - Purcellville, VA

Omg...that is too funny...we had record snowfall in VA and shovelled numerous times as well....

Dec 27, 2009 09:43 PM #148
Rainmaker
531,876
Liz Moras
Harrison Hot Springs, Cultus Lake - Chilliwack, BC
Chilliwack Realtor, Garrison Crossing,Chilliwack, Abbotsford
Truly hilarious - thanks for allowing us to re-blog!
Dec 30, 2009 11:33 PM #149
Rainmaker
1,119,238
Joan Whitebook
BHG The Masiello Group - Nashua, NH
Consumer Focused Real Estate Services

I saw this shortly after moving to New Hampshire and it is way too True!  Happy New Year and enjoy those white pills.

Jan 02, 2010 10:12 AM #150
Rainmaker
107,498
Dana Devine
Charles Rutenberg Realty - Apollo Beach, FL

why do i have to comment   cant i just sit here and laugh

Jan 06, 2010 02:41 PM #151
Anonymous
GTP (Graham 'the pipe')

Speaking as a UK resident, currently experiencing slightly more snow and ice than normal, together with the coldest, recorded temperatures for 'a hundred years' or therabouts, I enjoyed this humorous tale. Reminded me of half a century ago with mooring ropes frozen rigid whilst trying to berth many thousand tons of cold metal at the likes of Halifax, Nova Scotia, Jaques Cartier Montreal, Pier 1 Brooklyn NY etc.

A passing thaw(t), if I may? "There's no business like snow business, like snow business I know, everything about it is de-icing, everything about it is............etc

Dec 27, 2010 07:51 AM #152
Anonymous
Wick Switzerland

...anyway.I like it to be a snow plow driver :-)

Mar 04, 2011 12:39 AM #153
Anonymous
Not a plow operator
Hey wick.. I am sure u do not have to become a snow plow operator to have someone shove a broken snow shovel up ur ass. LMAO
Jan 04, 2014 04:26 PM #154
Anonymous
Sandra
Well I see the wife always ends up being the asshole!!! Great story, sad but true for us new englanders !!!! But I do love to see snow around Christmas makes it such a whiter Christmas!!!! Enjoy your new year everyone!!! Happy shoveling for those of youthat have too, I live in a building and the owners Pay for all that stuff so I just sit back and watch the pretty snowflakes and eat my white happy pills!!!! Lol.
Jan 05, 2014 03:19 PM #155
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