I got this e-mail from a friend and I thought it was very funny and sad at the same time.
With the recent guideline changes happening almost everyday, this joke is right on the target.
Here it goes:
Very Important- Guideline Changes Effective August 8, 2007
· All borrowers must have one blue eye and one brown eye to qualify.
· LTV > 65% SIVA requires minimum credit score of 849.
· For all LTV > 65%, 360 months of payment reserves now required.· Borrower's must have no previous bankruptcies in their family history going back
three generations.· A minimum of 25 years self-employment history now required for all NIV Programs
(at same location).
· Minimum Credit Score for Subprime Loans raised to 720.· All non-arm's length transaction borrowers (mortgage, real estate professionals,
family members) will be required to provide full-documentation, subject to
criminal background checks, wire tapping, strip-searches, and a minimum of 12
hours of interrogation by the Department of Homeland Security.
Please note that these changes will go into effect within the next five minutes. So please
lock you existing loan immediately. All existing loans in your pipeline must fund by noon
We apologize for the inconvenience. We realize these are tough times in the mortgage
industry for all of us. Be assured that we have a commitment to remaining strong and
weathering out the storm. We ask for your understanding and cooperation.