Damn! My House Isn't Selling.. DAMN! DAMN!.....Great Scott.. My House Isn't ...

Reblogger Sally Weatherley
Home Stager with EXIT STAGE RIGHT

 

I'm not sure if most of you saw this featured post by Greg Nino, but I thought the list was hilarious.  I know that we, as stagers, have seen a lot when previewing a house for sale.  I bet a lot of you could add even more to this already extensive list! 

Enjoy!

 

Original content by Greg Nino

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So your home is rotting on the market.... The sign leans, collects rust and your neighbors chuckle about you having your 18th Open House. Just what is the problem you grumble across the dinner table. Every time you call your agent she discusses "the market."

 

You're not sure what's more annoying, this or Lindsay Lohan updates.

 

 

1. What you paid for the home has nothing to do with it's current value. If you overpaid, bought in a sellers market or over improved the property then you will likely find yourself in a negative situation.

2. Just because you didn't mind backing up to power lines, busy roads and water treatment facilities doesn't mean everyone else feels the same way!

3. All your bedrooms are upstairs. This is usually a turn off for more than half of all buyers.

4. You installed a pool that consumes all or most of the backyard.

5. You have a ton of religious, cultural or political stuff crammed in your house while it's showing.

6. Your home is filthy, smelly and disgusting.

7. You back up to commercial property.

8. You have weird colors like lime green, deep purple or highlighter orange.

9. Your walls are part black from hands.

10. Your toilets have rust in them.

11. You're home during showings asking stupid questions and getting in the way of buyers and their Realtors.

12. You'rer home during showings asking about financing and attempting to wheel and deal.

13. You demanded to take the pictures in place of those the Realtor wanted to take.

14. You're too controlling.

15. You PAD your home too much for negotiations and "cost of commissions."

16. You DECLINE showings, even if just once.

17. You watch HGTV and assume what they do is what your Realtor should be doing.

18. You cook with spices that permeate the house.

19. You leave the A/C at 85 or higher when it's 150 degrees outside.

20. You leave your big dog running around the house during showings.

21. Your dog farts, pees, and leaves hair everywhere in the house and it's disgusting.

22. Your kitty litter box is filled with feces and stinks up an entire 12 foot area.

23. You are way too house proud.

24. You converted the garage to a bedroom and expect the next buyers to "think it's cool." It's not.

25. You put $50,000 into your home and expect to get it all back. You say.. "I'm not giving my home away."

26. Your 17 year old always has his friends over. One of the guys walks around with his shirt off saying dude and other annoying sayings during showings.

27. You set up cameras all around the house so you can watch everything from work.

28. You use your master as a study, tv room, bedroom, baby changing area, gym, mediation area and boxing ring.. all in one.

29. You, for some reason, RAISE your list price. No reason makes sense.

30. Your grass is taller than your house.

31. Both homes next to you are in foreclosure and have broken windows, missing doors and look like  hell.

32. You have ash trays around the house that are full.

33. Did I mention you're too controlling?

34. You have pet snakes inside the home, specifically a boa constrictor.

35. You think it's manly to leave rifles, handguns, throwing knives, billy clubs, Chinese stars, bazookas, and bow and arrows around the house.

36. You think it's manly to have 88 different kinds of kill on the walls of your home, including a stuffed bobcat clawing at a bird.

37. You collect weird things like life size replicas of Power Rangers. You keep a couple of them standing in the formal living room.

38. Your girlfriend is an entertainer and leaves all her erotic stuff in sinks, closets, floors and door handles.

39. You are a pack rat and in denial.

40. You work on your car during showings. You are 1/2 naked, drinking beer and listening to loud awful music. You burp and use fowl language with one of your friends who's doing the same thing.

41. You have roaches laying on their back with one of their legs still twitching from that can of hair spray that your wife used.

42. You bought the home as a foreclosure and didn't spend a dime fixing it.

43. Your neighbor bothers Realtors and buyers as your home shows.

44. You bought a home that's 500 million miles off the beaten path.

 

whew.. I think you get the point. And YES, all of these are real life examples. The point is simple. We can't sell a home if you don't play ball. We can't sell over priced homes. We can't sell a home with 100 problems.

 

We can only try and do our best! Sometimes the homeowner has to lease their property instead of selling it. Sometimes a seller has to conduct a short sale or borrow money so they can reduce their price and "get out from underneath" the home.

 

Do it right the first time or possibly face foreclosure.

 

 

 

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Rainmaker
1,589,891
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

You did it correctly, I was able to go to the original blog and read all the posts..........hysterical.

Jul 26, 2010 12:47 PM #4
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Katherine - I'm glad you think so - Greg Nino certainly has a way with words!

Roger - Oh good - I'm not a big re-blogger, so glad it worked!  I'm still laughing...

Jul 26, 2010 12:53 PM #5
Ambassador
1,607,373
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Hey Sally, thanks for reblogging this.  It's a good one and we've heard them all!

Jul 26, 2010 02:39 PM #6
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Kathy - Isn't this too funny?  Maybe it's my twisted sense of humour, but I couldn't stop laughing.

Jul 26, 2010 04:44 PM #7
Rainmaker
89,811
Linda Thompson
Selling By Design-Staging - Fresno, CA

Sally, Thanks for the reblog. Love it, love it, love it! And I thought I had a long list in my blog.

Jul 26, 2010 05:42 PM #8
Rainmaker
57,574
Sergio DePinto
Royal LePage Maximum Realty.,Brokerage - Greater Toronto Area - Vaughan, ON

Ya! I missed this post.... It's a keeper!

Very funny and creative list...

Thanks for re-blogging.

Jul 26, 2010 07:39 PM #9
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Linda - I think we can relate to a number of those points listed.

Sergio - If you check the original post, some of the responses are even funnier than the actual post!

Jul 26, 2010 08:21 PM #10
Rainmaker
1,105,663
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

So glad you reblogged it, I hadn't seen it.  This is so funny!  I've seen enough to recognize a few of these!

Jul 26, 2010 08:54 PM #11
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Sharon - I know, some of these sounded awfully familiar...  Hey, are you beat from Raincamp?

Jul 26, 2010 09:24 PM #12
Rainmaker
206,940
Barbara Heil-Sonneck
Design2Sell - Atlanta, GA
Home Staging Atlanta

Hi Sally, entertaining blog with lots of wisdom to share!

Jul 27, 2010 12:02 AM #13
Rainmaker
270,573
Cathy Lee
CL Design Services Home Staging - Danville, CA
ASP, IAHSP, RESA Danville, CA

LOL!! Too funny-thanks!!

Jul 27, 2010 12:12 AM #14
Rainmaker
250,373
Lori Kim Polk
Premiere Home Staging : Home Staging Services - Roseville, CA
Home Stager - Roseville, Sacramento

LOL.. in unison with Cathy Lee. Very funny. I loved all the lines, will check the original in the am.. time for some zzzzzzzzs.

Jul 27, 2010 02:09 AM #15
Rainer
96,349
Linda Scofield
Toccoa, GA

Good Morning Sally - This is a great reblog, missed the first go around. Oh, in regards to your email yesterday, I have continued the campaign regarding RESA Vegas with Roger, I think we may be able to convince him, told him you were behind the whole plot. LOL Have a great day :)

Jul 27, 2010 08:32 AM #16
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Barbara - You said it!

Cathy - Tee hee - I know.

Lori Kim - What are you doing up so late?!!  Go to bed!

Linda - Keep up the campaign - the strategy is to wear him down until he finally throws up his arms in defeat and cries "ok, Vegas, here I come"!  He won't regret it.

Jul 27, 2010 11:36 AM #17
Rainmaker
1,105,663
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

My mind is tired!  A lot to absorb, but I'll recover just fine.

Jul 27, 2010 08:23 PM #18
Rainmaker
190,641
Claudia Andrade-Desbiens Los Angeles Modern Staging
Modern Mecca Home Staging, Luxury & Architectural Real Estate Staging, Los Angeles, CA - Los Angeles, CA
Home Staging Los Angeles & Orange County

Sally - I hadn't seen it and I am glad you reblogged because it's hilarious and awfully familiar ; )

Jul 27, 2010 09:32 PM #19
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Sharon - I know, it's a lot to take in.  Who was the motivational speaker?  Can't wait to read your blog about Raincamp.

Claudia - Yes, I thought a lot of stagers could relate with some of the points, and even add to the list!

Jul 27, 2010 10:54 PM #20
Rainmaker
839,552
Joshua Zargari
MJ Decorators Workshop LI staging and home decorating - Lynbrook, NY
MJ Decorators Workshop

Good morning Sally!

So many points, So much fun reading this post...

Have a great day!

Jul 28, 2010 07:11 AM #21
Rainmaker
436,720
Sally Weatherley
EXIT STAGE RIGHT - Vancouver, BC
Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C

Good morning Joshua! - It's really worth checking out the original post - the responses were so funny.

Jul 28, 2010 11:26 AM #22
Rainmaker
1,105,663
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

The speaker was Ben Kinney.  I learned so much more than I expected.  It was a lot to take in.

Jul 28, 2010 04:38 PM #23
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Sally Weatherley

Vancouver Home Staging, Home Stager Vancouver, B.C
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