Information Overload!

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Author, Speaker, Consultant, Carra Riley Inc.

Information overload!

Some days the cosmic cow pie of life just gets overwhelming with "things to do." Connecting the dots just don'tFlying cows get done as fast as they should.

Reading e-mail is no longer fun... or is it just me?  The most irritating part of reading the e-mail are the "forwards" from some people who are still living in last century communication spheres!  How many times have I gotten the same forward? delete, delete, delete, delete.

Having received so many warnings on things that can harm me I am now prepared..... we all should have major behavior modification with all the information we have received from our e-mail inbox! 

A big thank you to my facebook friend 500 "TEA" (fun story) for sending me a compressive summary of all the things I should know now! Thanks "Tea" this ones for you!   I asked her who penned this work of art and she had no clue.. so credit is going to some unknown e-mail author!  I know, I know.. copyright violations.. but this is so great I hope you will look the other way and laugh for a few minutes!   Here goes.....from the unkown e-mail author!

As we progress into the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year.

I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

  • I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.                                                                
  • I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.                                                              
  • I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it last washed.                                                                                                                                                                                                        
  • I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
  • Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
  • I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
  • I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
  • ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
  • I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 7,258th time.
  • I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  • I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
  • I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
  • I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  • THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
  • BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  • I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
  • I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
  • I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
  • AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
  • I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
  • I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
  • I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.
  • And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  • I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.
  • THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
  • AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
  • I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supporting South American dictators.
  • I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.

Thanks again to "Tea bird" in NYC a fun cyber friend who sent me this e-mail today and made me laugh! This is post number 198 so working on 2 more.. be assured that 199 and 200 on 8-22-10 are going to be "news you can use.' 

close

This entry hasn't been re-blogged:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
Location:
Arizona Coconino County Williams
Groups:
Cosmic Cow Pie...The Rome Way
Almost Anything Goes
I Rock, Therefore I Am!
Voice of Reason
"Whacked"!!!
Tags:
carra riley connects the dots in the cosmic cow pie
email humor

Anonymous
Post a Comment
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the camera to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the computer to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Show All Comments
Ambassador
883,319
Lane Bailey
Century 21 Results Realty - Suwanee, GA
Realtor & Car Guy

I'm a rule breaker...  Thank god, or I wouldn't be ableto do anything.

August 16, 2010 10:52 PM #14
Rainmaker
634,555
Dawn A Fabiszak
Keller Williams Real Estate ( Denver metro area, Colorado - Aurora, CO
The Dawn of a New Real Estate Experience!

Carra ~ I have only had 4 of those things happen to me thank goodness.

August 16, 2010 11:18 PM #15
Rainmaker
235,936
Emmary Simpson Tierra Antigua Realty - Tucson AZ
Tierra Antigua Realty - Tucson, AZ
Serving Tucson AZ

That was just what I needed to wrap up a Monday!  Thanks for the laughs!

August 16, 2010 11:20 PM #16
Rainmaker
1,108,139
Jim Frimmer
HomeSmart Realty West - San Diego, CA
Realtor & CDPE, Mission Valley specialist

That's why the Internet is so great. You don't have to go outside and actually meet people, touch them, listen to them, speak with them......................LOL

August 16, 2010 11:24 PM #17
Ambassador
493,752
Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

I giggled and laughed and even repeated a few of these after I read it. lol.  :)

August 17, 2010 12:30 AM #18
Rainmaker
281,929
Carra Riley
Author, Speaker, Consultant, Carra Riley Inc. - Williams, AZ
CRB, CRS, GRI

I am happy this post made your day.. your comments and my friend Tea made my day..

Thanks for sharing on Monday!  Janice, Tish, Liz & Bill, Jean, Dale, Jane, Robin & Sue, Ginny, Kathy, Robert, Lane, Dawn, Emmary, Jim and Chris!

August 17, 2010 01:31 AM #19
Ambassador
1,525,498
Ed Silva
RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

Carra, now I have fears that I didn't have 5 minutes ago, especially as I don't like spiders and snakes. Now I must forward this to 25 friends in the next 3 seconds so that I too can get $25,000 from Steve Jobs, because he is definitely not going to let Bill Gates out gift him.

August 17, 2010 09:07 AM #20
Ambassador
1,525,498
Ed Silva
RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

I almost forgot, does picking up a lost golf ball have the same significance as finding a coin, and does that coin have to be face up or face down?

August 17, 2010 09:09 AM #21
Rainmaker
281,929
Carra Riley
Author, Speaker, Consultant, Carra Riley Inc. - Williams, AZ
CRB, CRS, GRI

Ed ~  Thanks for keeping this party going.. on the golf balls.. just watch our for bears in the woods! 

August 17, 2010 09:41 AM #22
Rainmaker
895,352
Brian Madigan
RE/MAX West Realty Inc., Brokerage (Toronto) - Toronto, ON
LL.B., Broker

Carra,

Thank you and your new Facebook friend. That was funny.

Brian

 

August 17, 2010 10:19 AM #23
Rainmaker
1,394,543
Rebecca Gaujot, RealtorĀ®
Coldwell Banker Stuart & Watts Real Estate - Lewisburg, WV
Lewisburg WV Real Estate, Greenbrier County

Carra, would you believe that I did receive this email as a forward 3 times.  But, it is hilarious each time you read it, can never be boring

August 17, 2010 12:21 PM #24
Rainer
53,007
Lesley Wagstaff
Re/Max Results Realty in Vancouver, BC - Coquitlam, BC
For Real Estate and Mortgages

Okay, sadly I have received all of those emails!! This is hilarious, good job no one has figured out the dangers of Blogging! And hey, if you get that one, do not forward it to me.  Thanks for sharing the laughs.

August 17, 2010 12:59 PM #25
Rainmaker
633,405
Leesa Finley
RED Properties - Wake Forest, NC
RED Properties - Raleigh NC Real Estate

OMG - I am in tears reading this post!  WAY too funny!  What's sad is I WON'T get lemon in restaurants now AND a few others on your list.  Needless to say there are a few that I haven't heard yet but I will be sure to add them to my list of quirks!  HA!

Wake Forest NC House Chick

August 17, 2010 05:25 PM #26
Rainmaker
281,929
Carra Riley
Author, Speaker, Consultant, Carra Riley Inc. - Williams, AZ
CRB, CRS, GRI

Brian ~  My friend Tea is very special.. we met on More.com where she was letting her voice be heard in a discussion.. thought she might be fun to hang out with and yes, she was!

Rebecca ~  That IS funny.. yesterday was the first time I had seen it.. and I was rolling! 

Lesley~  Isn't it funny how we all got those.. the lemons are the worst.. Thanks 60 minutes.. I think they had a special on that too...Good idea for original post would might be the blogging idea.. will send it to you to proof!

Leesa ~  Glad to be adding to your phobias!

 

August 17, 2010 07:05 PM #27
Rainmaker
598,730
Don Sabinske
Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc. - Zimmerman, MN
Sabinske & Associates Inc.

This was a "KILLER".  Thanks for all the laughs.   And, I guess I'll have to bring my own lemon from now on.  Jeez.

August 17, 2010 10:12 PM #28
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous

Ed,

You can only pick up "lost" golf balls after they stop rolling though.

August 18, 2010 12:26 AM #29
Rainmaker
725,008
Debbie Walsh
Keller Williams Realty - Middletown, NY
Hudson Valley NY Real Estate 845.928.8000

Carra now I know how Howie Mandel must feel some days!  Holy Crow!  LOL

August 18, 2010 01:11 PM #30
Ambassador
498,595
Stanton Homes
Stanton Homes - Our family designs and builds custom homes for your family - Raleigh, NC
Design/Build Custom Home Builder in North Carolina

I had to stop reading because I just don't want to think about most of those things!  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.....

August 23, 2010 07:06 AM #31
Ambassador
1,554,208
Christine Donovan
Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA
Broker/Attorney 800-610-7253 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Carra - This is too funny.  And, are definitely not the only one who doesn't find email fun any more.

September 05, 2010 12:41 AM #32
Anonymous
Anonymous
Anonymous

I suspect too many of those are too true for too many people.

September 06, 2010 07:31 PM #33
Anonymous
Post a Comment
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the pencil to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Show All Comments
Rainmaker
281,929

Carra Riley

CRB, CRS, GRI
Ask me a question
*
*
*
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the music-note to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Additional Information