Do You Set Negative Goals?

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Marte Cliff Copywriting

I asked if you set negative goals. Am I crazy? No one would do such a thing!

But you probably do. In fact, we all do it from time to time. warning

How?

By allowing ourselves to worry about our finances, our prospects of success, our relationships with loved ones, and various situations that we can and do control, even if we do it unconsciously.

Brian Tracy, in his book "The Psychology of Achievement," explains that the act of worrying sets some powerful laws of the universe into action. The attention and emotion that we invest in our worries actually creates the outcome that we do not want.

By now everyone has heard about the Law of Attraction. And those of us who pay attention are even annoyed with it sometimes. When something unwanted happens we're forced to stop and say "Now what did I do to attract THAT?" (Darn that personal responsibility!)

There's also the Law of Expectations - in which we inadvertently create whatever it is we're expecting. The Law of Belief acts the same way. If we belive somethng is so, we'll act in accordance with that belief, and we'll turn it into reality.

It's hard to avoid worry when things are not going especially well ...

But when it comes to events that we can control, it pays to take charge of our thoughts and just - STOP IT!

How can we stop? By paying attention to our thoughts. By noticing when we're slipping into negative thoughts - whether they're worries about future events or "mind re-runs" of situations that went sideways.

And then, by doing some firm self talk. When I find myself starting to worry I say "No. Stop. Think a better thought." (No, that's not an original idea, I read it in a Law of Attraction book.)

The next step is to find that better thought, and dwell on it until the other one fades away.

It can be a positive thought about the worrisome situation, but that isn't necessary. It can be any thought that makes you feel good. Picturing the smiling face of a loved one, thinking about snuggling with a warm puppy, or visualizing yourself enjoying your favorite leisure pastime all work to turn your head around and put you back in a positive frame of mind.

From there, you can plan to succeed.

 

 

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Ambassador
1,123,841
Michelle Carr-Crowe-Selling Silicon Valley Homes in Top Schools San Jose, Cupertino, Saratoga, Palo Alto-Just Call 408-252-8900
Just Call (408) 252-8900! - San Jose, CA
Family Helping Families Buy & Sell Homes 40+ Years

The Bible says (paraphrased) Don't worry about tomorrow, there's enough trouble for today.

May 27, 2011 05:22 AM #2
Rainmaker
1,628,912
Debbie Gartner
Floor Coverings International Westchester NY & Stamford CT - White Plains, NY
The Flooring Girl - Westchester hardwood flooring

Marte - You know this is so true but so hard to do.  Thx for the great reminder.

May 27, 2011 05:35 AM #3
Rainmaker
816,543
Richard Weeks
Waller Group - Dallas, TX
Realtor, Associate Broker - Manager Business Development

Well said.  It is hard, but I do try and keep a positive attitude, and only worry about things I can control.

May 27, 2011 08:08 AM #4
Ambassador
1,929,128
Chris Ann Cleland
Long & Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Northern VA

This is one that I preach all the time.  Worry is a type of negative obsession.  And anything demanding that much attention is going to turn out exactly how you think because you are obsessed with it.  Obsess on the positive things.  Once I started to do that my life changed.

May 27, 2011 11:08 AM #5
Ambassador
1,929,128
Chris Ann Cleland
Long & Foster REALTORS®, Gainesville, VA - Bristow, VA
Associate Broker, Northern VA

Featured in the group:  Bartender, Make it a Double.

May 27, 2011 11:12 AM #6
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Joe - It's so easy to fall into that "negative goal setting" mode - but it's also easy to avoid it if you make a conscious effort.

Michelle - Yes, deal with today - and if you do that well, there won't be so much to deal with tomorrow.

Debbie - Turning it around gets easier with practice.

Richard - This is one reason I've quit spending much time listening to the news. There's not a darned thing I can do about what those other people are doing, so no sense at all in worrying about it.

Chris Ann - Me too. Everything changes for the better when you focus on the positive and refuse to give your energy to the "What if's." Thanks for the feature!

May 27, 2011 02:27 PM #7
Rainmaker
160,070
Colleen McConnell
Tallahassee, FL
Tallahassee Retired Realtor

I've learned a similar strategy when I start to get stressed and overwhelmed. Stopping and clearing your mind and just letting go for a few minutes works wonders.

May 27, 2011 02:28 PM #8
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Colleen - It sure does, I do the "sigh and look up" exercise that I learned from the "Harnessing Your Life Force" CD's - and the results are amazing. I can be so upset that I'm sure nothing will help, and in just a few minutes I realize that it's all over and I'm back on track. No more hours of replaying some unpleasant event.

May 27, 2011 02:42 PM #9
Ambassador
1,100,560
Melissa Zavala
Broadpoint Properties - Escondido, CA
Broker, Escondido Real Estate, San Diego County

A little worry is probably healthy. But when worry turns you into goom and doom and gets in the way of your work, it's no good.

May 27, 2011 03:15 PM #10
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Melissa - It depends on your definition, I suppose. A little worry (what I might define as concern) can make you aware of dangerous consequences and cause you to move in a cautious direction. Intense worry does turn into gloom and doom and becomes the dominant emotion for some - blocking them from going forward.

I know quite a few people in that boat, and I'd love to know a way to shake them out of it. However, it has become a way of life for them.

May 27, 2011 03:43 PM #11
Rainmaker
566,334
Corinne Guest
Barrington Realty Company - Barrington, IL
Barrington's Country Suburban Home Matchmaker

Good Lord, I have enough trouble with analysis paralysis as it is. Now you want me to think about something else to stop me thinking about that. Not sure my brain can cope with this. 

Wish I had a turn off switch at times!

May 27, 2011 04:06 PM #12
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Corinne - No, no, no! Don't ADD the positive thought - let it replace the negative one! Just visualize the pleasant thought as a big tough angel who walks into your head and shoves that negative little twirp right on out of there. (How's that for a visualization?)

By the way, "sigh and look up" is often an effective "turn off" switch. When I get one of those "replay" things going in my head, it pulls the plug on the recorder.

 

May 27, 2011 04:25 PM #13
Rainmaker
566,334
Corinne Guest
Barrington Realty Company - Barrington, IL
Barrington's Country Suburban Home Matchmaker

Easier said than done I am sure. I can add the positive thought but regret the negative ones can still come back and hi-jack me. Clearly I have more time to think than I should. I guess I will always want to look at everything from both sides of the coin. Maybe it's not that I think negatively, so much as I use it as a good yardstick to keep whatever it is in check.

Not sure this is even making sense now. I know what I mean :)

May 27, 2011 05:55 PM #14
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Corinne - I think I get you. And I feel pretty sure that you aren't letting negative thoughts cause you to set negative goals. One look at the success you're creating as you forge ahead is enough to dispel any such notions.

May 27, 2011 06:29 PM #15
Rainmaker
566,334
Corinne Guest
Barrington Realty Company - Barrington, IL
Barrington's Country Suburban Home Matchmaker

No I don't set negative goals but maybe unrealistic ones. Then again my husband says go for and worry about how later, that's a high class problem. Thanks for the compliment. Did you see my new FB business page today? Another to do checked off the list.

 

Have a Happy Holiday Weekend, maybe even some sun time in the garden.

May 27, 2011 06:33 PM #16
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Your husband is right!

Put your new page link here so we can all go see it..

May 27, 2011 06:47 PM #17
Rainmaker
566,334
Corinne Guest
Barrington Realty Company - Barrington, IL
Barrington's Country Suburban Home Matchmaker
May 27, 2011 06:50 PM #18
Rainmaker
810,629
Gail Robinson
William Raveis Real Estate - Southport, CT
CRS, GRI, e-PRO Fairfield County, CT

Marte - I was brought up to be disciplined in my thinking.  My dad was a Christian Scientist - no talk of illness, not feeling well, etc.  My mom was a strong-willed optimist (not a Christian Scientist) - no room in her mind for negativity.  Thank God for that training.  My mom had a saying, "It's a great life if you don't weaken."  And, that is true - if you are emotionally strong, no matter what life throws your way you can still enjoy life and I say that as someone whose husband was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer a year ago and who has been caregiving for my parents for 30 years (my mom just died 8 weeks ago at the age of 98, my dad is bedridden).  Life is tough, but it is good if you keep your thoughts focused.  Worrying is helpful at times because it gets me to focus on solving a problem. It could easily become dysfunctional if I couldn't turn it off, but I'm pretty good at that now.  I live in the moment and in most moments, life is good.  If you look too far into the future or long for the past, life tends to become unpleasant. 

May 27, 2011 09:23 PM #19
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

Gail - You reminded me of something I heard on a Joe Vitale CD. He said he was driving down the road on his way to his x-wife's funeral. They had remained good friends, and he still loved her. As he drove along, crying, he suddenly realized that his being so unhappy wasn't helping her one bit. It was then that he decided it was up to him to do his best to be happy, no matter what.

Your parents put you in good stead for dealing with life. Good for them, and good for you for learning well.

 

May 28, 2011 03:54 PM #20
Rainmaker
821,346
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

What is worry?

In reading these comments, I've decided that we all have our own definition of worry. As a result, for some it is a positive function of planning the next move, while for others it is a paralyzing state of mind.

I believe that when Brian Tracy spoke of worry, he was talking about that state of mind in which you focus on the problem and can't let it go.

It's not a state of thinking and planning how to handle things, but a state of keeping your mind "stuck" in something negative that has happened and might happen again - or something negative that you expect to happen (like not being able to pay the bills.)

 

May 28, 2011 04:00 PM #21
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