You mean saying sorry doesn't always make it okay?

By
Real Estate Agent with Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) 01338415

Saying sorryWhen was it that we started assuming that when we do something wrong, we could just say sorry and everything would be okay...  Like everything that we did up until that point in time would be just forgotten about since we said the magical word, "sorry"...

My 3 1/2 year old son Ryan seems to have picked up this bad habit, that I am helping him break...  He will do something that he knows he shouldn't do, then say sorry...  Assuming that since he said sorry, he will be absolved of all his previous transgressions...  It is rather cute, but I am working on helping him understand that it is not really the right thing to do...

I remember growing up, we would always be told that when you hurt someone, it is like poking them with a tack (push pin)...  Then when you say sorry, it is as if you pulled the tack back out...  Seems pretty easy right?  Well, what you forgot is, that the hole that is left still hurts and may take time to heal.

So now it seems that everyone uses the word sorry like it was a junction in a sentence...  Like it is just another word in a long line of words that make up daily sentences...  So stop and look at the words you use when you are in conversations with your family, friends and clients...  Are you saying sorry to just say sorry?  Or are you saying sorry because you truly are...  Hmmmm....

So are there times where you think you can just say sorry, and everything is okay?

-Chris

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Chris Alston

 

Home sales and purchasing specialist

Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino

19400 Stevens Creek Blvd, Suite #200

Cupertino, CA 95014

408-850-6955

408-850-6956 fax

calston@kw.com

www.LivePlaySiliconValley.com

 

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Rainmaker
1,081,921
Wallace S. Gibson, CPM
Gibson Management Group, Ltd. - Charlottesville, VA
LandlordWhisperer

Sorry does not make it "go away"....sorry is just the acknowledgement.....A Weiner can say he's sorry for sending lude photos of himself and NOT loose his job and an NFL cheerleader can lose her job and SUE for less offensive COMMERCIAL photos....why isn't the federal government holding their representatives to the SAME STANDING AS the THUGs in the NFL?

June 11, 2011 06:06 AM #11
Rainer
369,954
Tish Lloyd
BlueCoast Realty Corporation - Wilmington, NC
Broker - Wilmington NC and Surrounding Beaches

You certainly strike a chord with me on this one -- had this "conversation" more than once with my children over the years.  Now, about those offending adults . . .

June 11, 2011 06:36 AM #12
Ambassador
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Liz and Bill Spear
RE/MAX Elite 513.265.3004 www.LizTour.com - Mason, OH
RE/MAX Elite Warren County OH (Cincinnati/Dayton)

Chris, We know you'll get Ryan on track!  Now the big boys and girls, they're a whole 'nother challenge.  Rare is the apology from the heavy hitters that is truly sincere.  They're mostly just sorry they got caught.

June 11, 2011 07:00 AM #13
Rainmaker
1,424,612
Roger D. Mucci
Shaken...with a Twist 216.633.2092 - Euclid, OH
Lets shake things up at your home today!

With a child, you can almost see how this can happen, but not with an adult.  Glad you're teaching Ryan that "sorry" doesn't make everything okay.  One of my pet peeves.  One of the girls in the office deliberately took a prospect from one of the other agents and rented to them........when confronted, she said "Sorry"............my comment back to her was "Thank you for leasing an apartment for Mona and making a commission for her"..............end of conversation.  She got the point..........."sorry" didn't cut it.............and she worked with that prospect for nothing!  That's how I play.

June 11, 2011 07:03 AM #14
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Doug - Thanks!

June 11, 2011 11:16 AM #15
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Marte - LOL!!!

June 11, 2011 11:17 AM #16
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Michael - So true, and I am sooooo trying.  :)

June 11, 2011 11:18 AM #17
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Thankd Debbie!

June 11, 2011 11:19 AM #18
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Wallace - You do make a very valid point...

June 11, 2011 11:20 AM #19
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Tsih - I know!  LOL!!!  Sorry about that...  :)

June 11, 2011 11:24 AM #20
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

BLiz - I know!!!  Isn't that the truth?  They are only sorry once they get caught...

June 11, 2011 11:41 AM #21
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Roger - That is how you ROLL!!!  I am so on your side with that one, and it made me slyly smile...

June 11, 2011 11:42 AM #22
Rainer
206,989
Judi Boad
ACCURATE REALTY GROUP - Seattle, WA

Great post Chris~

In my estimation:

Sorry works when you didn't understand the ramifications of your actions. Sorry is a hollow word when you knew quite clearly what you were doing!

June 11, 2011 08:50 PM #23
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Chris Alston
Chris Alston (Keller Williams Realty, Cupertino California) - Cupertino, CA
Silicon Valley, California

Judi - You are sooooo right on!

June 12, 2011 12:25 AM #24
Rainmaker
598,491
Patricia Feager, MBA, GRI, Cert Negotiations Expert, Military Relo Prof
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
The Little REALTOR® That Could

Chris,

I love this post because everything you said is true. Children seem to be conditioned to say, "I'm sorry," and many kids grow up into adults thinking that's the right thing to do, just say, I'm sorry. But is there sincerity in those words. Probably not.

This is my favorite part of the post, which I had not heard before:

"I remember growing up, we would always be told that when you hurt someone, it is like poking them with a tack (push pin)...  Then when you say sorry, it is as if you pulled the tack back out...  Seems pretty easy right?  Well, what you forgot is, that the hole that is left still hurts and may take time to heal."

There was a point in my life when I was saying, I'm sorry so much ad nausea, that people didn't take me seriously. That's when I made up my mind to remind myself, those words have to be used with caution, and only when necessary. For example: Did you do something on purpose? Did you kill somebody? Did you hurt them accidentally? Then, yes, an apology should be in order. But when those words become habit forming, it doesn't really mean anything.

Since that awakening, I learned to use different words and to think about what I wanted to say before using the stale, old words I always use. This is a great post and that's why I'm clicking suggest.

Patricia

 

June 12, 2011 08:37 AM #25
Rainer
81,499
Shane Cook
United Brokers Group - Gilbert, AZ
Realtor & Entreprenuer, Gilbert Arizona Homes for Sale

I have a 4 1/2 year old and your examples of your son Ryan are so true.  The kids pick up on it right away.  It is very important to be teaching at such a young age that sorry doesn't "heal the wound"

June 12, 2011 11:05 AM #26
Rainmaker
640,098
Marchel Peterson
Results Realty - Spring, TX
Spring TX Real Estate E-Pro

Chris,  You remember the old saying stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.  I'm telling you that is FALSE; words do hurt!

June 12, 2011 10:07 PM #27
Rainer
58,106
Juan Bassett
Long & Foster - Germantown, MD
GRI

Most times when we say "I'm sorry" it's because we've done something wrong . How about we at least change the atmosphere by saying "I apologize"... maybe this can be looked at as a gesture of sincere remorse. Anything is better than.." I'm sorry"

June 13, 2011 03:06 PM #28
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Praful Thakkar
Keller Williams Realty - Andover, MA
Andover, MA: Andover Luxury Homes For Sale

English Dictionary has some words which when spoken, assumes no more responsibilities for the person - Sorry is one of them and it is not okay to assume that everything is alright once you utter those words. I am sorry to say....Sorry is not enough in most cases!

June 13, 2011 10:41 PM #29
Rainmaker
331,235
Rita Fong
RE/MAX REAL ESTATE TODAY, Executive Broker 901-488-9590 - Marion, AR
Realtor - Marion Arkansas Homes for Sale

Chris, it is so true, and I think kids tend to do that at that age.  I remember correcting my oldest daughter when she was young.  She didn't say it all the time as a habit, but they need to understand SORRY doesn't fix everything.

June 14, 2011 12:02 PM #30
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