How to give a cat a pill ---- Funny!!

By
Real Estate Agent with Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO
http://actvra.in/48Dj
I rarely pass on jokes, but this one had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe!  I recently had a similar experience giving my 4 year old son a pill!  


How to Give a Cat a Pill. 
1.
  Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Innocent kitten



Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2.
  Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.



Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.



3.
  Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.




4.
  Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. 



Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.  Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Innocent Kitten

5.
  Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.





Call spouse in from the garden.



6.
  Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. 



Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.  Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.



7.
  Retrieve cat from curtain rail.


Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.  Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.



8.
  Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.



Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
Crazy cat


9.
  Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.



10.  Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. 



Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing.  Force mouth open with dessert spoon.  Flick pill down throat with elastic band.



11.
  Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges.  Drink beer.  Fetch bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink. 



Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.  Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


12.  Call fire department to retrieve the d@#%!! cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.



Take last pill from foil wrap.

Crazy eyes!
13.
  Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *&#%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.  Be rough about it.  Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.





14.
  Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.  Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.



15.  Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters. 

Sweet puppy
How To Give A Dog A Pill

1.  Wrap it in bacon.

2.  Toss it in the air.
 











The only real difference between giving a cat a pill and giving one to my 4 year old son, Nathaniel, is that I am more of a Vodka girl instead of a Whiskey one!


Thanks to my Uncle Rick for this funny joke!


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Rainmaker
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Michelle Francis
Tim Francis Realty LLC - Atlanta, GA
Realtor, Buckhead Atlanta Homes for Sale & Lease

Wendy, 

We have a tough dog, we have to hide it really well or she spits it out.  However, she's no match for the cat from h***!  

Very cute:-)

All the best, Michelle 

Sep 20, 2011 07:56 PM #1
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Harry F. D'Elia
Precision Real Estate Inc. - Phoenix, AZ
Investor , Mentor, CSSN, Radio Coach, REOs, ABR

Thanks for sharing your post with us today. I will try it on my cat--hmmmm

Sep 20, 2011 08:02 PM #2
Rainer
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Sarasota & Manatee Counties FL
SaraMana Properties - QuickFreeMLS.com - Bradenton, FL
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That was a truly funny joke! Thank you for sharing it!

Sep 20, 2011 08:12 PM #3
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Deb "Alayne" Brooks
Alayne Brooks, Re/Max Elite Group, Wichita Falls Texas - Wichita Falls, TX
940-500-4010 Wichita Falls Real Estate

Wendy! That made me giggle and I kept reading. Then I was laughing and I kept reading. I am now changing my pants due to your funny post. whew...I have not laughed that much in a long time.

Loved it.

Deb

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Sep 20, 2011 08:35 PM #4
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Michelle, I ended up grinding up my son's pill, mixing it in with a little water and then mixing in Hubba Bubba lollipop gel.  Maybe that would work for your dog!

Sep 20, 2011 08:52 PM #5
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Harry, don't forget your full body armor if you try it on your cat!

 

Sep 20, 2011 08:53 PM #6
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Deb, your comment made me laugh almost as much as the joke!  Glad I gave you a good laugh, we all need one every once in a while!

Sep 20, 2011 08:54 PM #7
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Donne Knudsen
Los Angeles & Ventura Counties in CA - Simi Valley, CA
CalState Realty Services

 ROTFL 

Sep 20, 2011 09:56 PM #8
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Donne Knudsen
Los Angeles & Ventura Counties in CA - Simi Valley, CA
CalState Realty Services

My dogs like peanut butter with their pills.  :)

Sep 20, 2011 09:57 PM #9
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Anna Banana Kruchten
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ
Arizona's Top Banana of Real Estate!

How fun....still laughing. Just what I needed late in the evening.  And now on to the dog......

Sep 20, 2011 10:01 PM #10
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Donne, tried peanut butter with my son, but it didn't work as well with him as it does with dogs!  Nothing funnier than watching a dog eat peanut butter!

Sep 21, 2011 09:55 AM #11
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Anna Banana, so glad I gave you a good laugh!  We can use all of the laughing we can get!

Sep 21, 2011 09:56 AM #12
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Rose King
UTR, Texas Realtors - Friendswood, TX
Friendswood / Pearland Homes

Wendy, this is hilarious, and so true! I have three cats, and I just don't bother trying to give them pills. I let the vet give them the first one, and then the only thing I can do is crush the next one up in some canned cat food. Sometimes it works, but not always. :)

Oct 08, 2011 10:22 PM #13
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Wendy Hayden
Photographer, Home Stager, ePRO - Richmond, VA
Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan

Rose, if you can sneak crushed pills into your cats food even sometimes, that you are ahead of the game!

Oct 10, 2011 09:30 AM #14
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Inna Ivchenko
Mannis Real Estate Group - Calabasas, CA
Los Angeles / Valley Homes

lol,

they are too complicated creatures.

I have a cat and a dog, they are totally different even my dogs sometimes tries to copy my cat following her around and repeating her moves. Too funny:)

Apr 13, 2013 12:05 AM #15
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Wendy Hayden

Chesterfield, Richmond & Powahatan
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