Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria! - LIFE WITH A TODDLER

By
Real Estate Agent with Austin Texas Homes, LLC 453249

Okay, so maybe it's not that bad.  However, life with three energetic kids (one of whom is a very verbal 19-month old girl) is sometimes quite challenging.

I have been spending more time around the house lately, since we have some family issues that I have addressed elsewhere on my blog.  Maybe that last line is just a ploy to get you to go digging around my blog so that you will fall in love with my writing.  Who knows? 

At any rate, my time with my kids is usually a joy, but there are times that dealing with a tired, hungry toddler while trying to work (and blog) is kind of like being an air traffic controller trying to conduct duties in the middle of a Van Halen concert.  In other words, you get spread a little thin and it's hard to concentrate on any one thing. 

 

 The other day, while my wife was out, I saw my toddler daughter Abby execute a PERFECT military-style belly crawl across our large kitchen table in quest of a simple pencil.  If I ever see determination like that on the face of an agent, I will hire that person in a heartbeat.  Abby's tongue was out and her brow down, with exceptional concentration.  Unfortunately, my eight-year old son Brandon was just a little faster, and he snatched the pencil away from her (at my instruction, truth be known).  I gave her some paper and another pencil and let her "draw" a little, while I sat with her in order to keep the pencil out of her eye or any other undesirable place.  Any child with that level of focus deserves a reward, in my mind.

 

Another recent funny incident:  I was blogging on my notebook computer upstairs, and I went downstairs for a minute or two to get something.  Before I came back up, I asked Brandon, "Can you see Abby?"  I just wanted to make sure she wasn't doing something she shoudn't be doing.  He replied calmly, "Yes, I can see her.  She is sitting in your chair playing with the computer and drinking soda."  LOVELY.  I forgot that I left my Diet Dr. Pepper sitting there, and when I came bounding back up the stairs, she was coated in a thin sheen of soda from her mouth to her diaper, and it was on the couch and floor as well.  Thankfully, it wasn't on the computer.  I have learned to count my blessings.  Also, I have learned to pick my battles, but that is the subject of an entirely different post.

 

 I don't know how it works in other homes, but in our house tiredness in a child translates quickly to naughty (or at least frowned-upon) behavior.  For example, when Abby is tired, she is more likely to go play in the cats' water or (heaven forbid) EAT CAT FOOD.  Yes, you heard me right.  She will furtively grab a few pieces of dry cat food, shove them in her mouth, and run - fast!  She seems to be outgrowing this one, but not quickly enough for my taste.  I promise we feed our kids.  They don't need to eat from the pet dishes.  You will probably think that I am a terrible parent, but I actually made my wife take a few pictures of Abby while she was pretending to drink from the cats' water dish, because I was laughing too hard to do it myself.  We have three cats, and I think she feels like they are kindred spirits.  They are closest to her size, after all.

 

On a different note, one incredibly fun thing to do as a parent is to learn each child's unique "Toddler-ese".  Here are a few current examples from Abby:

"Ree-bot!" or "Ree-bok!"  - This one is typically uttered with a book in hand or perhaps one thrown directly at my crotch.  It means "Read Book".

"Bussy tees" - This is a brand-new phrase, meaning "brushy teeth".  She likes to have one of the extra kids' toothbrushes to chew on for awhile, at which point she demands, "Put up!" meaning it is time to put the toothbrush away.  As soon as I put it away, she frowns, then yells, "Bussy tees" again.  The cycle continues as long as my patience will allow.

"Moat" or  "Malt" = "Milk"

"Tees-tee" - This phrase is heard anytime anyone drinks any liquid of any kind near my child ("thirsty").  She is not usually content to accept her own cup.  She wants what YOU have, even if it is steaming hot coffee or a shot of vodka (kidding - that last part was for a cheap laugh).  The point is she wants your cup of whatever.  It actually reminds me a little bit of the drunk guy in the bar in old movies, "Give me what he's having!"

"Mit bo"  = "meatball"

"Feces" = Goldfish crackers ("fishies").  I actually shared that one in another recent post, but it is simply too funny to not include it here again. 

 

 When my son was a toddler, he said one of the funniest phrases I have ever heard from my kids.  My wife and I still repeat it to this day with each other, just because it is darn funny.  I will do my best here to reproduce this phonetically so that you will understand. 

He asked us both, "How many fwarebobfundpants doo have?" 

We asked him to repeat it again

"How many fwarebobfundpants doo have?"  Wow, much better.  Um, yeah.  What the heck did you say, child?

It turned out he was saying "Squarebob Spongepants" instead of "Spongebob Squarepants".  He wasn't really allowed to watch that show, and he was asking about it in the best way he could remember.  I still don't know why he was asking how many of them we had.  The answer, of course, was zero.

 

That actually reminds me of another funny story from when he was about three.  His friend, Chandler, had been at our house one day, and after Chandler left, Brandon held up a toy and said, "Chandler gave me this  broken airplane."  Hmmm.  Well, there were only three critical inconsistencies here:

  1. Chandler didn't give it to him.  He accidentally left it.
  2. It wasn't broken.
  3. It wasn't an airplane.  It was a helicopter.  I guess it looked like a messed-up airplane to Brandon.

My wife and I have used this funny line repeatedly as a shorthand between us when someone says something utterly wrong in our presence.  If I'm being honest, my wife and I have more "in jokes" than most people have regular conversation.  Humor is critical to marital (and life) happiness, in my mind.  I pity those without a sense of humor, truly.

I guess I made you look with the title above.  Many thanks to Paul Slaybaugh for testing my ability to use this line from Bill Murray in "Ghostbusters" as a blog title.  Thanks for reading it!

P.S.  I will be interested to see how many people read the "P.S.".  I have always heard that it is essential to any good sales letter, so why not here?

P.P.S. I thought of one more.  My kids were recently discussing a video game, and my son said, "One of the options is Grand Prix."  My ears perked up, not because I am a car fan, but because he said it phonetically (it will come to you).  I was quick to correct that one.  I don't want him saying that one in church, or anywhere for that matter!

Copyright 2007   Austin TX Real Estate   Jason Crouch    All rights reserved

Posted by

If you're looking for a home in the Austin area, you can also visit my primary website at www.austintexashomes.com.  Thanks!

close

This entry hasn't been re-blogged:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
Tags:
toddler
kids
funny

Anonymous
Post a Comment
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the sunglasses to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the pencil to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Show All Comments
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
KELLY - I may have to add Jake's phrase to my repertoire.  I like it!  It is so random and funny - I would have been unable to breathe from laughter.  Thanks for sharing it here.  Have a great Saturday!
October 27, 2007 03:07 PM #21
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

PAUL - I am glad you liked it, since you gave me the title.  I know you can relate to many of these items, since you have a 2-year old.  "Grand Prix" was one of those moments as a parent when you have to avoid laughing too hard in order to instruct. 

Yes, I think lots of toddlers like pet food.  I was thinking of just getting a dish with "Abby" printed on it.  Maybe it would freak out our guests. 

October 27, 2007 03:13 PM #22
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
JESSICA - I am glad you caught that one at the end.  As I just mentioned to Paul, it's one of those times when you have to avoid laughing too hard in order to teach the kiddos.  Glad you liked this post.  I think these are my favorite ones to write.
October 27, 2007 03:15 PM #23
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
JENNIFER - Flattery will get you everywhere.  Thanks for saying that you love it already.  It is comments like yours here that keep me writing.
October 27, 2007 03:16 PM #24
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
ANDREW - Agreed.  And I use the word "cute" quite a bit, myself.  You actually used it thrice, and you are still a manly man.
October 27, 2007 03:17 PM #25
Ambassador
1,028,614
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Century 21 Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
RA, CRS, Hawaii Mililani Oahu Real Estate
Well, I'm glad you corrected him....was that before or after you laughed?
October 27, 2007 03:58 PM #26
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
SALLY - It was actually during the stifled laughter.  I couldn't let that one go uncorrected.  Thanks for noticing the P.P.S.!
October 27, 2007 04:18 PM #27
Ambassador
1,028,614
Celeste "SALLY" Cheeseman
Century 21 Liberty Homes - Mililani, HI
RA, CRS, Hawaii Mililani Oahu Real Estate
Everyone knows there's always a punchline at the end ...anyway....right?  :)
October 27, 2007 07:33 PM #28
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
SALLY - Good point.  That is the best place to find these nuggets of humor.  Have a good one, my friend!
October 27, 2007 08:05 PM #29
Rainer
91,792
Faina Sechzer
Henderson-Sotheby's International Realty - Princeton, NJ
Real Estate Expert - Princeton, Montgomery ,Hopewell, NJ

Jason - p.s. -they say should be a call for action -how about "please sign up for a free diaper-changing opportunity".

P.P.S. -wait till they are teenagers. Let just say, I frantically run to inspect the bathrooms, before we have company. I don't want surprises, if you know what I mean.

Nice reading about your having a great time with your kids. 

October 27, 2007 09:24 PM #30
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
FAINA - Thanks for the laugh.  I also frantically run to the bathroom to avoid surprises, but it's really just because my kids rarely flush with any regularity.  Thanks for reading - glad you liked it.  I have about 6-8 posts about my kids now.
October 28, 2007 01:54 AM #31
Rainer
22,752
Michael La Fay
Meadow Lakes Supply Co. - Wasilla, AK
Ah yay! someone else who is fluent in Toddler-Ese! Cute blog... My four just finally fell asleep at this wonderfully late hour :-) Now I'm off to read your other posts...
October 28, 2007 02:05 AM #32
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

SARA LEE - I like your "tag" after your name.  Very cool and easy to remember.  Here are some kid-related posts to check out, although you might like a lot of my posts if you liked this one:

Three Funny Kids in my House

Laughter is the Best Medicine - My Funny Children

Where is Art Linkletter when you need him?

October 28, 2007 02:13 AM #33
Rainer
44,511
Ginger Wilcox
Trulia - Larkspur, CA
Love the P.P.S.  Toddler-ese is always funny.  I wish I could give you some good ones, but I will have to come back.  My little one now speaks far too clearly and he knows it.  He is VERY persistent.  I think the Diet Dr. Pepper is better than the margarita that mine thought was "juice".  
October 28, 2007 05:46 AM #34
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

GINGER - I am glad you read the P.P.S. - I was honestly wondering how many people would read every word.  As I mentioned on another post, maybe you could share co-President duties for my fan club.  As we speak, the baby is asking to brush her teeth ("bussy teese"). 

Yeah, I suppose a margarita would have made me feel worse. 

Honestly, Abby speaks very clearly most of the time, but these are some funny variations that she has created.  This week she has started to say "I like you" clear as a bell.  Last night, she woke up briefly just to scream "I LIKE YOU!" in an irritated manner, then she immediately went back to sleep.  What kind of dream was that?

October 28, 2007 09:59 AM #35
Rainer
200,847
Mana Tulberg
805 County Real Estate - Camarillo, CA
Real Estate Agent - Camarillo CA
Jason, I was laughing the entire time as I was reading your post. It was a flash back and ohhh, I can write a book on how my kids talked and the funny stories I have. And yes my husband and I have those inside jokes and they do add fun to our daily life.
October 28, 2007 11:18 AM #36
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
MANA - I'm glad that I was able to bring you some laughs today.  Thanks for stopping by to read and comment.  The "in-jokes" make marriage fun (and lasting, in my opinion).
October 28, 2007 03:36 PM #37
Rainmaker
112,528
Sun City Peachtree® Resales Jessica Horton
Jessica Horton & Associates - Griffin, GA
#1 Resale Agent in Sun City Peachtree®

Jason:

Kids say the funniest things and it is good to see what other children are doing/saying.  My kids are a trip and a source of much joy and amusement in my life.  I always enjoy reading about other peoples kids and can appreciate the humor.  As only another parent really can.

Keep them coming.  I love it.

October 30, 2007 09:31 AM #38
Rainmaker
105,364
Martin Abeshaus
First SEO Corp - Burlington, MA

Good thing we have kids in our lives to keep it ineresting!  Keep a smile on your face and enjoy every fun, stressful, happy, nerve wracking moment!

October 30, 2007 10:42 AM #39
Ambassador
966,857
Jason Crouch
Austin Texas Homes, LLC - Austin, TX
Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)

JESSICA - Thanks for your encouraging words.  I enjoy writing these most of all, I think.  You should write something like this yourself.  I know it would be entertaining.  Have a good one!

MARTIN - Great comments.  I agree that it is critical to have a sense of humor as a parent, and as a Realtor as well.  Have a great day!

October 30, 2007 10:45 AM #40
Anonymous
Post a Comment
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the house to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Show All Comments
Ambassador
966,857

Jason Crouch

Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653)
Ask me anything!
*
*
*
Spam prevention

Accessibility option: listen to a question and answer it!

To submit the form,
drag the cloud to the circle on the side.

Type below the answer to what you hear. Numbers or words, lowercase:

Additional Information