I Promise to Love, Cherish ... and Pay My Bills??

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Mortgage and Lending with www.genemundt.com NMLS #216987

 

 

 I Promise to Love, Cherish ... and Pay My Bills??


    *  Food for thought: 

 
        According to the 2010 Current Population Survey (conducted annually by the U.S. Census Bureau), there are about 7.5 million unmarried opposite-sex couples cohabiting in the United States today, a well as another 620,000 same-sex couples. The same source reported that married couples now account for only 48 percent of all households.

 
     
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        More and more often, especially with young, first-time home buyers, I am assisting unmarried partners with their mortgage financing ... and I'm seeing huge differences in many of their money-handling styles and skills.   While I see it in older couples too, the differences often are far more dramatic in the young.  It's typically very clear ... one partner is the saver, the other is the spender.  The conversations I have with them certainly reflect that too, as do their credit report(s).

    Right now, I am working with a young, unmarried couple hoping to buy their first home and obtain a mortgage.  Well, I should say ... SHE is hoping to buy a home.  I'm not sure about him.  SHE has been the catalyst of each and every call.  Every piece of information or documentation I receive to advance their mortgage comes from HER.  He has been forthcoming with little.  He's also been very non-committal and evasive with answers.  I'm a bit unsettled about him, to be truthful.
 
     Now this young couple, may or may not end-up completing their sales transaction.  I say their chances are 50-50 at best right now.  The outcomes depends on how persuasive SHE can be.  And if he quits dragging his feet and finally commits to the process.
 
    It's just my opinion too, but I think this couple has bigger issues that should concern them.  Their credit reports read like a life story.  While both partners are young, they are old enough to have already established financial outlooks, habits, and distinguishable spending personalities.  Theirs are vastly different on all counts.  Extremes.  And because of that, I see all sorts of problems before them long term.  Red flags screaming out "Warning!" and  "Caution!" 

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      Should this couple hope to have a long, happy, and successful future together, I'd suggest they have a sit-down and talk about their finances ... soon.  Possibly even counseling.  I think they need to be honest with each other about their financial histories (something I think she is possibly unaware of ... or doesn't understand the ramifications of) ... and their financial goals and dreams for the future. There should be no surprises ... no secrets kept between them.

     They, as well as any couple (married or unmarried), should both know, understand, and then commit to what financial responsibilities lay before them. They should also know just how and what they hope to contribute as they move forward together ... and how and what they hope the other will contribute as well.  An indepth, lengthy, honest conversation is warranted.
 
      And as unromantic as it sounds, especially for this couple and other unmarried couples, this conversation needs to cover  any future "what-ifs" ... and how those "what-ifs" affect them legally, should they part or die.

   Unmarried partners must not assume that the legal options and protections provided them are the same as for married persons.  It is my opinion that protections ... legal protections ... need to be arranged and put into place for each in this couple.  That is especially so prior to a large financial purchase/commitment, such as this home ... or a car.
 
      Unfortunately, I do not see much financial harmony within MY young home buying couple right now ... or the likelihood of any real indepth communications between them or any attorney occurring in the near future.  Time will tell if they can make a "go" of this, or not.  I'm hoping they prove me wrong ... and all ends-up well.
 
      But I urge anyone hoping to buy a home with someone else, especially as a non-married partner ... discuss your plans and goals with one another.  Then talk to a knowledgeable, experienced real estate attorney prior to making the financial commitment of buying a home or other large financial purchase.  Understand and know your options and possible outcomes.  Love and protect yourself enough to take these precautions ...
    
 
    
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Gene Mundt

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Re-Blogged 2 times:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Dawn A Fabiszak 03/05/2012 07:40 PM
  2. Evelyn Kennedy 03/11/2012 02:44 PM
Topic:
Home Buying
Location:
Illinois Will County New Lenox
Groups:
WillCounty
Chicagoland and Northern Illinois Real Estate
Mortgages
1st Time Buyers
BananaTude
Tags:
budgeting and credit
mortgage advice
obtaining legal advice before buying a home
unmarried couples buying a home
firsttime home buyers

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Show All Comments
Rainer
277,179
Steven Cook
No Longer Processing Mortgages. - Tacoma, WA
- Pierce, King, Kitsap, Thurston, Mason Counties

Gene -- it is so often the case that something like this will be the stick that breaks the camel's back in the relationship, sometimes before they get through the process, and sometimes after.  It is very disheartening to see someone who has the right ideas get their financial scores damaged by the non-participating partner. 
It is hard indeed not to give "fatherly" advice in such situations.

March 06, 2012 03:19 PM #28
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

Brian:  Appreciate your viewpoint and sentiment ... as it's hard to watch these couples struggle at times.  I too also feel  you can predict the outcomes many times.  Each has to find the answer best for them ... and the best protections.  Thanks for your input ...

Steven:  Fatherly advice ... yes, totally understand that.  And you speak of exactly what I fear with this couple ...

Gene

March 06, 2012 06:29 PM #29
Rainmaker
1,029,570
Lisa Von Domek
Lisa Von Domek & Associates LLC, Real Estate Broker/Associate with Real Living Real Estate Group www.LisaVon.com - Dallas, TX
....Experience Isn't Expensive.... It's Priceless!

Good morning Gene,

Always trust your gut - unfortunately for her, you are most likely right to be skeptical about his "commitment".

Have a great day!

March 07, 2012 03:56 AM #30
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

I fear I am right about more than his commitment to her .. or this mortgage/home buying.  There's not much I can do outside the realm of lending here, but I sure hope she'll see some of these issues on her own .. and soon ...

Thanks for commenting ..

Gene

March 07, 2012 08:29 AM #31
Rainmaker
273,862
Carol-Ann Palmieri
RE/MAX Executive Realty, Al and Cal Realty Group - Franklin, MA
"Cal" the Real Estate Gal

Hi Gene.     I have to get this  post in the hands of a few young couples that I know and care about.    You make excellent points!  

March 08, 2012 11:02 AM #32
Rainmaker
398,592
John Cannata
214-728-0449 http://TexasLoanGuy.com - Frisco, TX
Texas Home Mortgage - Purchase or Refinance

As I was reading this, I was wondering if you were working with the same buyers as I am. LOL  I too have an unmarried couple looking to buy a home. But SHE is pushing this thing a long while HE has not done much. If I need anything, I know to contact her directly and/or at least CC her on any emails that are sent in reply to his questions.

March 08, 2012 04:34 PM #33
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

Carol Ann:  Thanks.  I'm glad you found it worthwhile ... and I hope it proves beneficial for all those young couples you're working with now and in the future ...

John:  lol  I'm sure we could compare notes on quite a few clients.  I guess it's up to us to figure out what works with each one .. and then get it done.  Good thing we have experience ...

Gene

March 08, 2012 06:17 PM #34
Rainmaker
588,060
Don Sabinske
Don Sabinske, Sabinske & Associates Inc. - Zimmerman, MN
Sabinske & Associates Inc.

One of my agents is working with two young couples and she has mentioned this scenario several times.   It is so interesting how opposites attract.

March 10, 2012 01:48 PM #35
Ambassador
2,372,125
Patricia Kennedy
Evers & Company Real Estate, Inc. - Washington, DC
For Your Home in the Capital

Gene, this is important stuff.  I always suggest that my unmarried buyers get what I call a "NoNup", where they sit down with a lawyer who explains the ramifications of what they are doing. 

March 10, 2012 08:03 PM #36
Rainmaker
233,918
Anne M. Costello
Weidel Realtors - Yardley, PA

Gene: I've seen first time buyers who are unmarried couples go the Dave Ramsey route, or get counselling at a nonprofit credit counseling center and others go their separate ways, with one continuing to purchase a home. Making this huge commitment is the ideal time to analyze how each individual looks at money, saving, spending, future goals, etc. 

March 11, 2012 08:10 AM #37
Ambassador
2,372,125
Patricia Kennedy
Evers & Company Real Estate, Inc. - Washington, DC
For Your Home in the Capital

Hey, Gene!  I included this post in Last Week's Favorites.  Have a great week.

March 11, 2012 08:28 AM #38
Ambassador
337,847
Emily Medvec
Keller Williams Santa Fe - Santa Fe, NM
Realtor, Santa Fe NM |CNE CRS RSPS | 505-660-4541

Gene, I missed this valuable post and arrived thanks to Patricia's favorites. Your description is right on the mark to being a trend, especially in Gen X and even Y home buyers. Maybe there is just something scary in the word "30" year mortgage. I'm not sure. Perhaps, domestic partner legislation could not only provide protect but become another way to educate home buyers today.

March 11, 2012 11:40 AM #39
Rainmaker
648,385
Evelyn Kennedy
Gallagher & Lindsey, Alameda, California - Alameda, CA
Alameda, Real Estate, Alameda, CA

Gene:

I see this situation often enough in young people that I am really concerned with their future.  I think they were given everything they wanted when they were younger and they don't have a good handle on how to save or economize. 

March 11, 2012 02:25 PM #40
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

Don:  Who's going to question the laws of attraction?  

Patricia: Sounds like a great idea!  Just a question ... how many take your advice??  I'd love to know how successful you are with it ...

Anne:  Ideal ... and so very important ...

Thanks Patricia!  Appreciate you including it ... and the support ...

Amen Emily!  It's about honesty between partners ... and education.  Cover both of those issues and you're probably in pretty good shape moving forward together ...

Evelyn:  The word "entitlement" is used often concerning this issue.  The potential for having to learn this particular financial lesson the hard way is huge ...

Gene 

March 11, 2012 05:10 PM #41
Rainmaker
799,165
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

I used to write blog posts for a company that "sold free credit reports," so did a lot of reading about credit, credit scoring, etc.

One thing I learned is that it's best NOT to marry someone if they can't handle money and have terrible credit. If they want to learn and clean it up, then let them do that first. Otherwise, your own credit gets pulled down when you add them to accounts, etc. And of course, if you try to make a joint purchase you'll either be turned down or pay higher interest.

March 11, 2012 09:59 PM #42
Rainmaker
799,165
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
your real estate writer

One more thing - why in the heck don't they teach money management in high school? Or even grade school? They teach math - but not how to balance a checkbook.

March 11, 2012 10:00 PM #43
Rainmaker
1,346,833
Sally K. & David L. Hanson
Keller Williams 414-525-0563 - Brookfield, WI
WI Realtors - Luxury - Short Sale - CDPE, REDS

Hi Gene..

   agreed.....and we see financial reasons as a huge reason for divorce...Reality is usually that one person in a marriage is in charge of bill paying etc....and I see no harm and much sense in that...however, that does not mean that they don't have financial meetings...common understanding and goals...our own financial meetings began before we were married and continue to this day....being on the same ledger page is essential in many ways.

March 12, 2012 03:53 AM #44
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

Marte:  You learned a good lesson, very valuable.  Waiting for proof that they've learned their lessons well is VERY wise ... 

Marte:  Totally agree with you.  And the good news is, that many high schools across our country are beginning to make these classes a requirement for graduation.  In fact, I blogged a while back about it.  I'm including the link to that post here, in case you'd like to read it ...  http://www.genemundt.com/blog/2011/08/14/Important-and-Timely-News-A-Growing-Number-of-States-are-Requiring-Credit-and-Financial-Classes-in-Their-Schools.aspx

There's a link to an article about the same topic within the post ...

Sally and David:  The breakdown of tasks found within a marriage or partnership usually dictates that one partner is in charge of paying the bills.  But I, like you, believe that doesn't relieve the other partner from being educated and aware of the couple's financial standing and situation.  Communication is so key ... along with honesty.  Something I feared was sorely lacking with the couple I wrote about.  Not a good sign ... and indicative of problems to come.  What you write of is proof ... David married wisely!!

Gene

March 12, 2012 01:46 PM #45
Rainer
167,569
Dave Sullivan
www.TheCreditGuy.TV - Birmingham, MI
The Real Story on Your Credit Score - TheCreditGuy
 

Excellent information I will forward it if that is ok? thank you!!!

November 20, 2012 02:56 PM #46
Rainmaker
676,254
Gene Mundt
www.genemundt.com - Joliet, IL
Mortgage Lender - Chicago/Chicagoland Mortgages

No problem, Dave ... as long as the required info and contact info is still included.  I appreciate that you found benefit in it ... thanks!

Gene

November 20, 2012 03:08 PM #47
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Rainmaker
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Gene Mundt

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