Eleven Things I Never Said To My Clients

By
Education & Training with House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada

Yesterday, for a bit of fun, I wrote about eleven things I hoped my broker would never hear about me from clients.  Fair is fair.   Now I have eleven things I hoped my clients would never read from my mind.  I may have been tempted to say or have thought these things but age, good taste and a need to earn a living held me back.    

1.      If I throw a stick, will you leave my car?

2.      I’d love to help you but it is wine o’clock somewhere in the British Empire.

3.      Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

4.     Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

5.     Nice perfume.  Must you marinate in it?

6.     How do I set my laser pointer to stun?

7.      I’m already visualizing that duct tape over your mouth. 

8.      I like you.  You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 

9.      You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

10.  I’m really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me. 

11.  Do I look like a people person?

 

Photo credit:  duck tape party supplies 2 - all you can eat

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Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Tammie:  So true and so glad that we are not all clairvoyants.  

Thanks Connie.  I as so glad people are being amused.  

Jul 08, 2012 01:34 PM #45
Rainmaker
907,026
Donna Foerster
Cherry Creek Properties, LLC - Parker, CO
Metro Denver Real Estate Agent

OMG Valerie! This is a great list.  Wanted to hit that SUGGEST button but someone beat me to it!  I think #3 is my favorite!

Jul 08, 2012 02:46 PM #46
Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Donna;  So glad you like it and getting a Feature is so helpful in my objective - you know the one to get to the next milestone.  

Jul 08, 2012 02:53 PM #47
Rainmaker
480,511
Teral McDowell
Keller Williams Central - Plano, TX
Texas Realtor, Dallas and Collin County

Valerie, enjoyed everyone of them and thought of a few of my own; thanks for the chuckle :)

Jul 08, 2012 03:20 PM #48
Ambassador
1,535,737
Ed Silva
RE/MAX Professionals, CT 203-206-0754 - Waterbury, CT
Central CT Real Estate Broker Serving all equally

Valerie, I had a few of those that went through my mind just yesterday. Thanks for sharing

Jul 08, 2012 03:42 PM #49
Rainmaker
1,376,182
Donna Harris
Donna Homes, PLR - Austin, TX
Realtor, CDPE & ASP - Hill Country Lakeway Austin

Great list.  A few of those would be on my list as well! There's an agent in my area that tells a story where she told two attorneys to get out of her car and she drove off. She drove passed them twice and turned around to pick them up, asking if they would stop arguing now. She let them back in the car.... I'm not sure I would have picked them back up if I had the nerve to tell them to get out AND drive off!

Jul 08, 2012 04:00 PM #50
Rainmaker
1,020,067
Sharon Tara
Sharon Tara Transformations - Portsmouth, NH
New Hampshire Home Stager

You are brilliant....this is so funny!  Goes to show you what type of people you are hanging around with....frightening isn't it?

Jul 08, 2012 04:14 PM #51
Rainmaker
448,175
Gay E. Rosen
Houlihan Lawrence - Larchmont, NY
Honest, Hardworking and always Professional!

Valerie-  love it.. we have all thought of similar things...  very funny... very unprofessional.. and wish I had written it!

Jul 08, 2012 04:23 PM #52
Rainer
55,360
Teresa Tedder
Carolina Realty of Wilkes Inc - Wilkesboro, NC

I love # 1 and would love to use that one regularly.  I should be too ashamed to even admit it, but Im not. :-)

Jul 08, 2012 04:30 PM #53
Ambassador
591,327
Mona Gersky
MoonDancer Realty, Dillsboro,NC - Sylva, NC
GRI,IMSD-Taking the mystery out of real estate.

Valerie, I am so glad I saw this post. Thanks for a much needed laugh.  The perfume one is hilarious but I'd like to add one for the person reeking of cigarette smoke because it's been eons since the jacket was washed.

Jul 08, 2012 04:43 PM #54
Rainmaker
487,038
Lorraine or Loretta Kratz
Crescent Moon Realty, Inc. & Land N Sea Auctions. - San Marcos, CA
Certified Negotiation Consultants

Liked #10, so often I hear the reason so many chose real estate as a career  is because they are a people person, and nothing could be further from the truth. Enjoyed your post, congratulations.

Jul 08, 2012 07:21 PM #55
Rainmaker
550,526
Gary Frimann
Eagle Ridge Realty / Signature Homes & Estates - Gilroy, CA
California Broker and REALTOR

Great post.  I've said all those things, and many more.  Let me change that...I've WANTED to say those things.

Jul 08, 2012 09:13 PM #56
Rainmaker
30,494
Gail Nyman
Re/Max United Real Estate - Dunkirk, MD
Every House Has A Story
You have put into words what lots of us are thinking! Very funny, thanks for putting it in writing!
Jul 09, 2012 04:13 AM #57
Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Teral:  The best way to vent is in your head.  LOL

Ed:  I am sure even saints get pushed to the point of interior venting.

Donna:  So funny.  My dad dropped my mom off on a highway near the Grand Canyon and waited around the corner until she had cooled off and then drove back to get her.  They laughed about that for years.

Sharon:  Buying and selling is stressful and sometimes brings out the worst in people.

Jul 09, 2012 05:08 AM #58
Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Gay:  It is unprofessional and I forgot to make it Members Only.  

Teresa:  As a dog person I can say that not every 'dog' will chase a stick.  Sadly.

Mona:  Oh, I know what you mean because I used to smoke.  The smell of my clothes was awful!!!

Lorraine  - thanks.

Gary:  If you are still in business then you never said those things with your outside voice.  LOL

Gail:  You are so welcome.  

Jul 09, 2012 05:12 AM #59
Rainer
27,873
Brian Park
Park Realty Investments - Murray, UT

Didn't need to make it members only, maybe some members of the public will see themselves, and maybe change. One thing I did say once was "do you remember when you were young, did you ever do anything that caused your mother say I can't take you anymore? ANSWER YES, Well believe me I know just how she felt." 

Jul 09, 2012 11:51 AM #60
Rainmaker
271,512
Melissa Brown
Savvy + Co Real Estate - Charlotte, NC
Realtor - South Charlotte NC Homes for Sale

Love it, love it, love, Valerie!  I might add something about "May I call you at 11:00 pm to discuss room sizes?  I'm sure you won't mind!"

Jul 10, 2012 03:56 PM #61
Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Brian:  Now that is a good one.  It lets the client know how you feel.

Melissa:  Good one because, like us, clients never sleep and always want a very late call.  

Jul 11, 2012 03:04 AM #62
Ambassador
1,478,002
Kathy Streib
Room Service Home Staging - Delray Beach, FL
Home Stager - Palm Beach County,FL -561-914-6224

Valerie- I have no idea how I missed this last Sunday but it is hilarious!!!  I love #11.

Jul 13, 2012 06:39 PM #63
Rainmaker
575,118
Valerie Zinger
House Proud Ottawa-Ontario-Canada - Ottawa, ON
Home Organizer

Kathy:  Every once in awhile I will say to MDH - "What part of me looks like I care?"  

Jul 14, 2012 02:49 AM #64
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