Who's says Reverse Mortgage clients are not funny? Monday Funnies!

By
Title Insurance with Family Abstract, Inc.

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.  Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"  She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing.  Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."  
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.  No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."  

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An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise." The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."  

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.  They hear a faint moan.   They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.  Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.  As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"  

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When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"  She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.  I said, "Well, why are you crying?"  She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."  I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"  She said, "I can't remember where I live!"  

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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.  Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"  

This posting didn’t have a whole lot to do with title insurance, but lets face it, how much can we really discuss about title insurance and still expect you to read it?  Consider it a public service announcement.

From my family to yours, from Title Insurance commitment to policy, all our very best!  Take at least a moment each day to smile and laugh, then call Family Abstract for all your title needs in PA, NJ, MD and FL.  At Family Abstract, Inc. We look forward to making you, and your clients smile very day, especially the day of settlement.  Please like us on Facebook, Please “Plus 1 us on Google, Please give us a shot at your Title Insurance!

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About Family Abstract, Inc.

Established in 2002, Family Abstract, Inc. provides Title Insurance to clients and customers throughout Florida, Maryland, New Jersey and Pennsylvania with more than 40 years of combined experience in management alone. We pride ourselves on retaining the most skilled and knowledgeable employees who share our goals of providing the best service in the industry.

Located in Horsham, Pennsylvania, Family Abstract, Inc. maintains an extensive network of skilled title insurance abstractors in all the states we service in addition to a nationwide network of qualified closing agents who are available to close loans at any location.

Backed by the strength of four title insurance underwriters, we are able to provide expert attention to detail without sacrificing versatility in the closing process, thus providing more options in difficult title situations. Due to our depth of industry knowledge and commitment to excellent service, Family Abstract, Inc. has been able to develop client relationships that have endured for decades.

Having successfully settled and insured thousands of transactions, we have already earned the trust and confidence of hundreds of customers, lenders, brokers, and realtors and now we would like to share our expertise with you!

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Ambassador
1,493,619
Anna Banana Kruchten
Phoenix Property Shoppe - Phoenix, AZ
Arizona's Top Banana of Real Estate!

Somebody's in a funny mood today!  It's evening here but I still got a chuckle. You're a bad boy!!

Jul 30, 2012 05:40 PM #1
Rainmaker
589,634
Than Maynard
Coldwell Banker Heart of Oklahoma - Purcell, OK
Broker - Licensed to List & Sell - 405-990-8862

Thanks for the late night smile. Off to bed now. Been a long day!

Jul 30, 2012 07:55 PM #2
Rainmaker
1,809,244
William Feela
WHISPERING PINES REALTY - North Branch, MN
Realtor, Whispering Pines Realty 651-674-5999 No.

A great end to my day.  Thanks and have a good ight

Jul 30, 2012 08:25 PM #3
Rainmaker
235,483
Jenny Durling
L.A. Property Solutions - Los Angeles, CA
For Los Angeles real estate help 213-215-4758

I don't know which one is funnier, the lady who can't remember where she lives or the lady who can't remember her own name.LOL! Sometimes I feel like that myself!

Jul 30, 2012 08:30 PM #4
Rainer
158,919
Glenn Freezman
Family Abstract, Inc. - Horsham, PA

Thank you Than, William, Anna and Jenny, I appreciate you commenting.  Sometimes this is like doing standup comedy at 3 in the morning.  You never really know if anyone is in the audience.

Jul 31, 2012 06:44 AM #5
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Rainer
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Glenn Freezman

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