Now Available the Jeff Turner Technology Implant, Get Yours Today!!!

By
Real Estate Agent with The Berkshire Group Realtors

After nearly two years of exhausting beta testing we are proud to announce the availability of the Jeff TurnerJeff Turner technology  chip Technology Implant. This revolutionary product is going to change the face of Internet Technology. One simple chip, implanted in the heads of the technology challenged will solve both common and challenging technology problems.

Yes, it is true! No longer will technophobic bloggers, web designers, graphic designers, social media (wannabe) mavens, videographers, and/or thought challenged leaders fear for lack of ability to excell in their chosen field!

Plain and simple the Jeff Turner Technology Implant is nothing short of a miracle!

Upon implantation of this amazing chip, the carrier will instantly be able to overcome fear and master:

  • Blogging
  • Photography
  • Webdesign
  • Critical thinking
  • Copywriting
  • Social Networking
  • Experimenting with & search for new technologies
  • Inventing new technologies

 

Other beta testers have experienced amazing results, hear are a few testimonials:

 

Jon Washburn

 

 

Jon Washburn

"Before I got my chip all I could think about was playing golf, now my thoughts are directed toward building social media platforms that attract thousands of members! My Jeff Turner Technology Chip has given me the potential to change the face of social media forever!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

JeffX

 

JeffX

"I was apprehensive about getting an implant mostly because of my fear of scalpels, but my determination to stand out in any and every field I enter took over, erasing my fear. Getting the Jeff Turner Technology Implant has made a huge difference in my life. Now I consume extraordinary technology topics with ease."

 

 

 

Active Brad

 

 

Brad Andersohn

"The Jeff Turner Technology Chip is nothing short of amazing. My technological journey is evidence of its amazing powers! Just look back over the course of my reign here in the rain. I once was the guy who deleted friendly comments on my blog, because I didn't understand the concept of blogging. Now with the Jeff Turner Technology Chip I am a power blogger, thought leader and teacher of technology!"

 




FAQ's About the Jeff Turner Technology Chip Implant

Is the Jeff Turner Technology Chip for everyone?

Teresa Boardman

DISCLAIMER: As with any medical procedure certain cautions must be taken. Persons whos stature is less than 5'1" tall are not permitted to have the implant procedure. Until further testing, scientists want to err of the side of caution. Implanting these persons could result in a severe overload of the body and they may never STOP blogging.

 

 

Teresa B.

"Bite me."

 

How will the Jeff Turner Technology Chip effect Realtors?

 

Although no Realtors have been implanted with The Chip, it is believed Realtors will act in a positive manner. Studies indicate the following changes can be expected:

  • Experience a compelling desire to network on multiple social media platforms
  • Have the ability to speed access the MLS from the iPhone
  • Will easily "jail break" the iPhone in order to video showings to save time for buyers
  • Photography knowledge will just "be there"
  • Experience an increase in sales volume due to being present

Are there any serious side effects?

Yes, some or all of the following side effects can be expected. Some will be more serious to some than others.

  • Will not be able to work on a PC
  • Persons implanted with the chip who have 6 or more children will not be able to use technology on Sunday.
  • Sleeping during conventions, conferences, barcamps, etc is not optional. No sleeping allowed.
  • Persons may find themselves with a strong desire to increase their family size
  • Inability to remember "sales pitches" of any kind
  • Persons may develop a passion for wearing flip flops 24/7

Jeff Turner the developer of the Jeff Turner Technology Chip states, "The size is so small you won't even

JeffTurner describing his latest innovation

know you are wearing it. Women won't have to worry about that dreaded weight gain. Many people think it will be necessary to shave your head to get the Tech Chip implanted, but head shaving is actually optional."

 

How Much Does It Cost?

 

The Chip is rather inexpensive as technology goes, $15,000 for the actually chip plus medical expenses. Some persons will opt to visit a surgeon others may find the simple Bostitch stapler does the job just as well. It may be a bit primitive but after the first ouch, the pain goes away rather quickly.

Unfortunately, the Jeff Turner Technology Chip is not covered by most insurance policies. Some persons may find their employer will be willing to contribute to the expense. Others my find ready willing and able donors (cash) to pay for the procedure. Guess it really depends on how much others deem you need the procedure.

 

How Do I Purchase My Jeff Turner Technology Chip?

 

Applying for your Chip is simple. Just click here to add it to your shopping cart. We take MasterCard, Visa, American Express or Active Rain Points. Once your transaction is verified you will be emailed instructions on how to receive your Jeff Turner Technology Chip.

 

Act Now!

 

If you find yourself sitting around all day baffled by technology, why not treat yourself to this amazing piece of brilliance. It's cheaper than a few semesters at a good University and much more effective! Come join the Technology Elite Crowd, you will be glad you did!

(If you purchase now, you could be Tech Smart by Xmas!)

by Kristal Kraft who when she is not promoting technology implants sells Denver Real Estate.

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Re-Blogged 1 time:

Re-Blogged By Re-Blogged At
  1. Roland Woodworth 11/13/2008 11:17 PM
Topic:
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Rainer
59,597
Krista Fuchs
Prudential Fox & Roach - Exton, PA
Chester County Realtor - (484) 459-8025 - Home Buying and Selling

This is hilarious!  I could probably start talking about this in a blogging discussion in the office and I'm sure I'd have some believers for a good amount of time!

Nov 14, 2008 07:49 PM #98
Rainer
138,988
Jay McGillicuddy
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices Verani Realty - Exeter, NH
Real Estate Broker

This post rivals the Carnac series, very cool...

Nov 16, 2008 04:08 PM #99
Rainmaker
256,928
Michele Connors
The Overton Group, LLC & CB First Realty - Greenville, NC
Your Eastern North Carolina Realtor

What a laugh---if only we could...I know there would be a long line!

Then, I'd love the other unused half of your face so I could have your "eye" for photography as well.

Nov 16, 2008 07:05 PM #100
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Kent ~  I so agree!

Sheree ~ Well I think Lenn is the only one with enough points for a down payment.  I think you are going to have to pick up the blogging girl! :)

Candace ~ Humm.  What makes you think this isn't the black market?  :)

Connie ~ Welcome on board the technology train!  Is your check in the mail?

JeffX ~ LOL, enjoy.

Suzanne ~ No worries you can wear heels!  Points are good for shoes so you are doing just fine.

Nov 16, 2008 07:27 PM #101
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Roland ~ Yes, we should see an improvement in the blogs on AR soon.  Thank goodness! :)

Sally ~ Ah, I think so.

Willaim ~ Twittering too much is a good side effect is it not?

Darryl ~ OK a Double Dip for Darryl!

Maria ~ Yes, Ginzu knives for you!

 

Nov 16, 2008 07:30 PM #102
Ambassador
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Kathy ~ Yup, photography will be your strong suit. No doubt about it.

Terylynn ~ You got 'em.

Deborah ~ Bulk order form fax'd to you, shortly! 

Virginia ~ You got it!

Marcia ~ Humm maybe that is a good stock to consider?

Nov 16, 2008 07:32 PM #103
Ambassador
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Neal ~ Ah!  The plot thickens...somehow being controlled by him isn't the worst thing that could happen. There are others though....

Don ~ No worries, we have ramped up production to keep up with the demand. 

Diane ~ Oh thank you.  I give credit to the full moon. :)

Bill ~ Oh yes, RES is awesome. 

Gail ~ I admire your dedication!  Hope is on the way!

Nov 16, 2008 07:39 PM #104
Ambassador
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

William ~ No worries, I am known to be partial to Jersey folks!  (wink wink)

Christine ~ Actually I'm not familiar with the BORG chip.  I do know that a shaved head is optional. :)

C21 ~ We are looking into a Group Plan for C21 Agents.  :) They will be cheaper by the dozen.

Sonja ~ I wasn't aware Green Stamps are still around! Chucky Cheese tokens might come in handy, you can keep the 1972 Hippy VW Van.  That must be a real collectors item!

Christopher & Stephanie ~ I like the way you think!  Bid it up!

 

 

 

Nov 16, 2008 08:10 PM #105
Ambassador
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Matt ~ I'm sure Jeff Turner is working on that...

Patricia ~ 2 chips will make you dominate the market in ColoSpgs.  @Mizzle will have to step aside!

Kelly ~ Humorous?  Please Kelly this is serious stuff!

Missy ~ They play good golf, yes?  No money back, you must have faith! :)

Rich ~ It is.  Now shave it blonde.

 

Nov 16, 2008 08:14 PM #106
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Sharon ~ Costa Rica works for me!  Yes, to the dialogue.  If Walt Disney can limit height so can we.  BTW how tall are you?  You may need to trade in some of your points for high heels!  :)

Krista ~ This is the real thing!  Quick go tell your office! :)

Jay ~ Carnac is my soul mate.  Where do you think I get the Ginzu Knives?

Michele ~ Flattery will not get you to the front of the line.  (But it might help.)  Thank you. :)

Nov 16, 2008 08:18 PM #107
Rainer
4,402
lee jim
Knowlesys Software Inc. - Cultus Lake, BC

Hi  Kristal - Great post. ,your blog is good!

anyone know how to extract data from a web database. For example, how can I extract movie information from http://www.imdb.com/ into a relational database? Is there any existing tools to do this? Or need I write some codes?
Thanks a lot!

There is a Screen Scraping service, visit www.knowlesys.com for more details.

Nov 20, 2008 12:21 AM #108
Rainer
37,907
Kelly Kilpatrick
Rancho Santa Margarita, CA
Broker-Associate

I just came across this one again and I'm still laughing about it. :)

Nov 27, 2008 01:47 AM #109
Rainmaker
166,570
Linda Davis
RE/MAX Realty Group - Gales Ferry, CT

This is still one of my favorite posts of the year.  LOL

Dec 24, 2008 09:15 AM #110
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Linda ~ I loved this one too.  The comments are better than the post.

kk

Dec 25, 2008 09:54 PM #111
Rainmaker
284,770
David Matney
Alliance Real Estate - Omaha, NE
Omaha, NE Real Estate | Omaha, NE Homes For Sale

Jeff, I would like to get in line!  This is great!  LOL

Dec 31, 2008 12:03 AM #112
Rainmaker
335,122
Ann Cummings
RE/MAX By The Bay - NH and Maine - Portsmouth, NH
Portsmouth NH Homes - Service With a Smile!

Hi Kristal - saw this on Kevin's 'best post of the year', and can't believe I didn't see this the first time around.  Must have still been in Florida or something....

This is a hoot, and the comments are just as funny.  I'm thinking I'm going to let all these beta testers go first so they can work out the 'kinks' and see what version 1.67 comes up with as side effects.  Some of the current potential side effects scare me a little.  And maybe by the time version 1.67 comes out, someone will have created some coupons for it.  And maybe those PayPal issues that others had when trying to pay will have been resolved as well.

Yep, I do think this is the 'best post of the year' for sure!!

Happy New Year,
Ann

Dec 31, 2008 05:27 AM #113
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Alan May
Coldwell Banker Residential - Evanston, IL
Evanston & Northshore of Chicago real estate

Kristal, I agree... one of my favourites, although the chip does appear to have a side effect.  It appears that about 50% of your clientelle loses all their hair!

Dec 31, 2008 09:03 AM #114
Rainmaker
592,629
Lisa Hill
Florida Property Experts - Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Beach Real Estate

OMG! How did I miss this!? ROFL! I was just searching for your specific Web 2.0 posts, and ran across this one too. I love it!

So BTW, I'm compiling a list of links to bloggers with Web 2.0 posts, for the AR n00bs. There seem to be a lot of them running around, with no clue about today's social networking. It's kinda weird. But I'm gonna try and help them.

Jan 11, 2009 04:37 PM #115
Rainer
214,957
Diane Williams
Pell City, AL

Hello Kristal, I am a newbie here just ran across this post, can I borrow your bostitch stapler?  I sure need the implant.  Also does the stapler work on the face?jp

Nov 27, 2009 03:48 PM #116
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Kristal Kraft
The Berkshire Group Realtors - Denver, CO
Denver Real Estate - 303-589-2022

Diane, Of course you can borrow my Bostitch!  I like your idea of using on the face, see ya later I'm off to try it out...

kk

Nov 28, 2009 09:52 AM #117
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